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by Justin Henry, RD Reynolds, and
Sean Carless; Photoshoppery
by Sean Carless and
RD Reynolds
Follow Justin on Facebook here
and on Twitter here;
Check out Sean on Facebook here
and his website here
HILARIOUS HEY DUDE EPISODE CAUSES JOSH MATHEWS TO LAUGH UNCONTROLLABLY WHILE RECORDING SMACKDOWN
By Justin Henry
Philadelphia, PA – Things got a little carried away at this week’s Smackdown tapings in the city of Brotherly Love.
Josh Mathews, a WWE announcer long regarded for his professionalism and genuine love of his work, was unable to keep his composure during a match in which the New Nexus faced the Uso Twins.
Mathews, 30, began to laugh uncontrollably, starting out with miniscule chuckles before giving in to absolute guffaws of laughter, while pounding the desk, apologizing through short breaths of air, before the laughter overwhelmed him again.
Mathews’ colleagues, Michael Cole and Booker T, were dumbfounded, and attempted to carry on the pace of the show, regardless of Mathews’ outburst.
Mathews offered a full apology after the show.
“I’m sorry, but I was just thinking about this one episode of “Hey Dude” I had seen as a kid,” said Mathews, still wiping dried tears of laughter from his eye ducts. “You ever see the one where Ted takes Danny’s Indian artifacts and tries to perform a rain dance during the drought, and it offends Danny, because he’s a Hopi Indian? I just starting laughing because I realized how inappropriate that would be to do in today’s hopelessly uptight society, and the notion of Ted, clearly Caucasian, woop-woop-wooping while holding this Indian trinket, and Danny’s, like, standing RIGHT THERE, oh man, THAT is what true comedy is!”
Mathews’ colleagues are split on their young partner’s unprofessional showing.
“Frankly, I was never a Hey Dude guy, and I don’t see the humor in mocking a rain dance,” said Cole. “I thought the show was a little too stereotypical. I realize the irony of me saying that, working in a company that exploits racial and sexual stereotypes like we were trying to win some hate group’s seal of approval, but I really don’t enjoy television that has such broad characters. Here’s Danny, the Indian! Here’s Mr. Ernest, the Klutz! Here’s Brad, the Fasion Model! In all fairness, if we’re talking about Nickelodeon shows, I always preferred Kid’s Court. It gave children an understanding of our legal system and of personal responsibility. My kids could learn more watching that than from seeing Mr. Ernest get his teeth kicked in by a mule or something.”
Booker T, however, offered a different take.
“Man, lemme tell ya, I understand Josh’s predicament, cuz we all been through some stuff like that. Why, I’m a big fan of iCarly myself, and that little fine lookin’ thing Miranda Cosgrove, ha ha, she might be the funniest person in the world TOO-DAY! As a long time Nickelodeon fan, my sensibilities for love and humor used to lie with that British dimepiece on GUTS, but iCarly, hoo dawg, she declared a hostile takeover on MAH HEART! So if Josh wants to laugh about Hey Dude, hey man, things happen. I can’t hate on mah brutha like that!”
Josh Mathews, after his humbling experience, had this parting shot.
“Does anyone have old, recorded episodes of Hey Dude on DVD? I pay top dollar!”
FAN UPLOADS ENTIRE 1999 EPISODES OF WCW SATURDAY NIGHT, “DOESN’T MIND” CREEPY MESSAGES FROM OTHER FANS
By Justin Henry
Dalton, GA – A devoted fan has been uploading entire episodes of WCW Saturday Night that he meticulously taped on their first-runs, and the positive feedback he has been receiving has been both rewarding, as well as disturbing.
Craig Morpost, 29, of Dalton was a fan of World Championship Wrestling up until the company’s ceasing in 2001. As a teenager, Morpost would often be out with friends on Saturday evenings, and thusly used his VCR to simply record the proceedings.
With a cache of over 75 VHS tapes, Morpost decided to make use of the vast world of video stream and social networking, and is uploading the episodes, chronologically, onto YouTube.
The response so far has been…..interesting.
“I’m both shocked and delighted that so many other fans have the appreciation for WCW’s “C” show like I have,” said Morpost, a sales rep for Verizon. “But it’s wonderful to see so many people remember WCW, especially when it wasn’t tainted directly by Hogan or Bischoff or Nash. Sometimes, just seeing skilled workers get time to perform in such an old school setting is enough to fill a true wrestling fan’s heart.”
Morpost elaborated further on the particular love being shown by other fans.
“I have this one follower, a 32 year old with the username ‘ToonN2Nitro’, and he got really excited because I just uploaded the 6/5/99 episode, and he said ‘Wow, man, I’ve wanted for YEARS to see that Silver King/Villano V vs. Stevie Ray/Horace match! You have the best rare stuff!’, and it just makes me happy to see so many others get into it. He messages me a lot, asking if I ever wanna hang out and watch old Jim Crockett Promotion matches, which is fine, and he sometimes asks if I’ve ever taken pictures of myself and sent them to others. He’s offered me $100 per photo, which is a bit surreal, so I’m just happy talking wrestling with the man!”
So many shows have been uploaded. So many Van Hammer and Al Green memories have come flooding back for an entire generation of fans who don’t like pretty divas, linear booking, or anything that feels “mainstream”. And those fans now have the efforts of the tireless Craig Morpost to thank.
But not everyone is so thankful.
“There’s this one guy, “KennyKaos316”, who says he’s 47, and he really takes these Saturday Night Episodes seriously. One time I uploaded the first episode of Nitro, just because I had it, and he messages me with, “Nobody wants to see Hogan or Sting. Either you keep your channel to just WCWSN, or I’ll cut your throat out. YOU DON’T WANT TO MESS WITH ME!” He also gets angry if I don’t edit commercials. One time, he was like, “I don’t want to see any more Spree advertisements or those damn talking monkey movie parodies. I demand you edit those out, or I’ll come after you. I have an AK-47 you hack!”
But Morpost is unfazed.
“He’s been sending me those messages for months. I just tell him I’ll get him Kenny Kaos’ autograph, and he seems to lighten up. I don’t even know where Kaos is; isn’t he dead or something?”
Archived Headlies:
RANDY ORTON ASKS TO BORROW “HEAT MACHINE” FOR USE IN DAILY LIFE / MATHEMATICIAN DEVELOPS “PWTORCH / TNA MATCH RATING SHORTCHANGE THEOREM”
DOCTOR THAT PERFORMED ROB CONWAY’S SEX CHANGE INTO EVE TORRES HONORED / MAN HACKS KURT ANGLE’S TWITTER TO POST REASONABLE, PLEASANT MESSAGES
IRS CASHES IN MONEY IN THE BANK BRIEFCASE FROM 1991, BEATS JOHN CENA FOR WWE TITLE / RUFUS DETWILER, MAN WHO PLAYED ‘ORIGINAL’ SCOTT STEINER, DEAD AT 46
JOHN CENA DECLARES POOP “NO LONGER FUNNY” AFTER COUSIN’S TYPHOID DEATH / MAN THROWS ANGELINA LOVE ACROSS YARD, PROMPTLY RETURNED BY DOG
DOLPH ZIGGLER TO TAKE NICKY’S PLACE DURING FORTHCOMING SPIRIT SQUAD REUNION / NEXT SEASON OF TOUGH ENOUGH TO SEARCH FOR NEXT BARELY USED ANNOUNCER
JEFF HARDY RETIRES FROM WRESTLING TO BECOME SANDWICH ARTIST / LANCE STORM CRITICIZES OWN REALITY SHOW ON HIS WEBSITE’S BLOG ROLL
JEFF JARRETT SAVED CHYNA FROM SPCA ONE HOUR BEFORE EUTHANIZATION / GENERATION ME FINISH CHORES, ARE ALLOWED TO STAY UP TO WATCH IMPACT MAIN EVENT / INDY PROMOTION TO RUN “SUPER BLOODY DEATH TOURNAMENT”, SEEKING REC CENTER TO HOST IT
JOHN CENA TO MENTOR SIN CARA, TEACH HIM HOW TO WRESTLE / RUMOR: VINCE MCMAHON HAVING AFFAIR WITH STAMFORD SUPERCUTS EMPLOYEE / DESTITUTE LEX LUGER SCRAPS STEEL FOREARM PLATE FOR CASH
EDGE HAS "NO PLANS” TO RETIRE FROM ADULTERY / REMINDER: APRIL 18 IS KANE’S “FACE TURN/HEEL TURN” CALENDAR DARTS NIGHT / TRIPLE H RETURNING NEW BLU-RAY PLAYER TO PAY FOR WRESTLEMANIA CHAIR SHOT FINE
VIRGIL HAPPY TO HAVE WRESTLEMANIA STREAK IN TACT / RARE 1989 “DISS TAPE” FOUND IN WWE PRODUCTION STUDIOS / BOBBY WASHWEY WOOKING TO WEALWIZE POTENTHIAL OUTHIDE WING
TNA TRADES JEFF HARDY TO REHAB FOR SCOTT WEILAND / HARDY TRADED BACK TO TNA, WHO WILL NOW HOLD LOCKDOWN IN LEGIT PRISON TO ACCOMMODATE HIS SENTENCE / TRIPLE H CONTEMPLATING BUYING BLU-RAY PLAYER WITH BOX OFFICE GROSS FROM "THE CHAPERONE"
HEIDENREICH EXCITED ABOUT JOINING ANIMAL FOR WWE HALL OF FAME INDUCTION / CODY RHODES TO ATTEMPT TO DUPLICATE HIS FATHER'S SUCCESS BY TALKING NON-STOP RHYMING GIBBERISH / PAUL ROMA "VASTLY UNDERRATED” CLAIMS PAUL ROMA
JOEY STYLES CELEBRATES THREE “REBELLIOUSLY EXTREME” YEARS RUNNING WWE.COM / JACK SWAGGER TAKES OUT OVERSIZED NOVELTY TEETH, PUNISHED FOR REVEALING NORMAL SMILE / COLT CABANA PROVES THAT JUST ABOUT ANYBODY CAN BE NWA CHAMPION
REPO
MAN TO STEAL ALBERTO DEL RIO’S CARS UNTIL PAYMENTS ARE MADE / RODERICK
STRONG “CAN’T WAIT” TO BECOME FORGOTTEN WWE
MIDCARDER
/ TNA
SIGNS AL WILSON JUST TO PROVE WWE ARE FRAUDS
THE HARDCORE FANS DEMANDED IT: KEVIN THORN, BIG DADDY V TO HEADLINE NEXT ECW REUNION SHOW / WWE RUMORED TO BE BUILDING DEATH STAR / VETERANS WORRY THAT IMPRESSIONABLE EVAN BOURNE MIGHT HAVE JOINED A GANG
JACK TUNNEY FAKED DEATH, WILL BE REVEALED AS ANONYMOUS RAW GM / SON OF TNA’S ABYSS “BLADES” DURING SCHOOL PLAY TO KEEP CROWD INTERESTED / AREA HOTTIES TO ATTEND NWA FANFEST, MESS WITH HOPELESS VIRGINS
SENILE KEN PATERA, GRIMACE HAVE ‘UNEASY’ TRUCE AT CONVENTION / RIC FLAIR TO BUY OUT TNA CONTRACT BY SELLING KIDNEY / MARK HENRY, LONG-LOST SON REUNITE
US HERO WITH GOLDEN TRUNKS BECOMES HOMELESS MAN / DIXIE CARTER “SURPRISED” TO FIND TNA DVDS IN FYE BARGAIN BIN / TUPAC-BIGGIE FEUD BEGAN OVER STAR RATING DISAGREEMENT
Headlies Contributors
Justin Henry is a writer by day, and a writer by night, so at least he has some level of continuity. He enjoys writing commentaries and satire, so that he can make fun of people who make more money than he does. His work has been read and/or glossed over at TheWrestlingFan.com, CamelClutchBlog.com, WrestlingNewsSource.com, WorldWrestlingInsanity.com, and now WrestleCrap.com. He also once met Sonjay Dutt at a flea market.
Catherine
Perez is a proud owner of three e-mails from WWE's legal department,
which she regularly prints out for when all the toilet paper runs
out. She was the first person to call the Ghostbusters after witnessing
something strange in her neighborhood, and is thus immortalized
in a song that was made popular four years before her birth. Catherine
enjoys collecting vintage WWF t-shirts, painting on her clothing,
and the smell of crushed dreams in the mornings. She also shot
J.R.
Sean Carless
is a man of many hats. And he wears those hats to cover an ever-increasing
bald spot. Sean's various scribblings have been read at Live Audio
Wrestling, 411 Mania, Honky Tonk Man.com, The Toronto Star.com,
Wrestlecrap, and Lethal Wrestling. He has also cured AIDS.
