Updated Royal Rumble Card, with Two Additional Matches!

24 Submitted by on Mon, 23 December 2013, 19:19

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The WrestleCrap Royal Rumble is scheduled to take place on Sunday Night, January 19, from the sold out Joe Louis Arena, in Detroit, Michigan! In this pre-holiday edition of the WrestleCrap Event Center, we will reveal twenty entrants for the Royal Rumble match, as well as announce two additional matches to this auspicious card!

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With RD Reynolds, Blade, El Gigante, Super Eric, Dr. Isaac Yankem, Santina Marella, Michael Cole, The Shockmaster, The Black Scorpion, and Cheatum already announced, here’s the field expanded to 20…..

Duke “The Dumpster” Droese will be one of the thirty participants, as will his Survivor Series partner, “The Portuguese Man O’War” Aldo Montoya. Joining them are the festive Gobbledy Gooker, along with the strongarm tactics of Saba Simba, as well as “The Ugandan Giant”, Kamala!

Kamala will have a chance to exact revenge on “The African Dream” Akeem, who is now aligned with Kamala’s former manager, “The Doctor of Style”, Slick. The Artist plans to rain purple all over the opposition; he’s in this one as well. In addition, all three members of the mysterious Schyster Family, IRS, Mantaur, and Heidenreich, will be in action, no doubt drawing interest of both RD Reynolds and Blade Braxton, who will be good to go come January 19!

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In addition, “Mr. Adequate” Curtis Axel will step into the ring for the first time in WrestleCrap, taking on another relative newcomer, the Far East Cowboy himself, Jimmy Wang Yang! Yang’s quick on the draw, but is being so-so good enough for Axel to dodge Yang’s bullets? We’ll find out!

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You’ll also see Los Matadores, those cunning tricksters themselves, in action against Vince Russo’s tandem of Oklahoma, and former WCW Champion David Arquette! Can Russo’s pairing knock the bull out of the opposition? Or will Los Matadores send Oklahoma and Arquette to the rewrite bin?

Stay tuned for further updates on the WrestleCrap Royal Rumble!

Written by

Justin Henry is WrestleCrap's inquiring newsman, thirsting for knowledge always. He enjoys the art of satire, as you'll find in many of his works here at WrestleCrap. Drop him a line on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/notoriousjrh) and Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/jrhwriting)
24 Responses to "Updated Royal Rumble Card, with Two Additional Matches!"
  1. MisterSpiffy says:

    I have but one question…where is Man Mountain Rock and Oxford Kama…ok I have two is “Yay” Tiffany the as to yet be revealed GM?

  2. Autrach Sejanoz says:

    My money’s on Jimmy Wang Yang & Los Matadores. As for the Rumble itself, who can say…

  3. hulk6785 says:

    When will champions be crown? I want to see some title belts.

  4. ScMcS says:

    With Cheatum, do midget rules apply? Thrown over the bottom rope, to the floor?

  5. TheDude says:

    the rumble needs more kwang, mordecai, and boogeyman.

  6. RowdyRob says:

    I wanna see Man Mountain Rock, The Honky Tonk Man, and Jeff Jarrett vs 3MB in a Music City Meltdown match!

  7. Sean Bateman says:

    we need Papa Shango in the Rumble!

  8. John says:

    I’m hoping for R.D. & Blade to draw 1 & 2 for the Rumble a la Ax & Smash back in the ’89 Rumble.

  9. Bender says:

    Scorpion should draw two and go sixty minutes for some unknown reason. Seriously though, can I get Berserker in this considering his specialty. Or just put the February SNME in Hershey.

  10. Someguy says:

    Wrestlecrap has definitely jumped that proverbial shark. Stick a fork in them…

  11. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    Can’t wait! Way more excited about this than the “real” Royal Rumble!

  12. Jeremy says:

    I need to know beforehand because this will greatly affect who I’m betting on as the winner: is this Kamala with or without his foot?

  13. President of the Australian 'Moppy' Fans Asoociation says:

    Cole Has to be number two. Because of poop. Geddit.
    Cough.

  14. Thomas Moffatt says:

    Simon Dean should be in there so should Outback Jack and I can’t see how you’ve managed to miss former Royal Rumble entrants Drew Carey and Simon Dean!!!!

    You need a celebrity contestant – may I suggest Vicki the Robot from “A Small Wonder”?

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