Before I get started with the SMS report this week, I’d just like to mention how delighted I am that I’ve gotten several emails and Facebook messages from folks who not only enjoy my weekly recaps, but better yet, who are now going to start watching this show every week just to witness the lunacy. It’s this type of grassroots movement that WWE needs. Why, if we get just 2 extra people to watch this show every week, SMS will surpass Raw viewership by the year 2016.
Why, if we get just 2 extra people to watch this show every week, SMS will surpass Raw viewership by the year 200016.
There, fixed. On with the show.
And it starts with a real surprise, as Booker T is out on commentary and is replaced by…
See, nerds, I told you THIS is the show to watch!
Our opening contest this week features Darren Young taking on the world’s worst babyface, The Miz. Seriously, you can show me as many highlight packages with as many of these planted signs as you want…
…but at the end of the day, I still have to see this mug:
I mean, really. I am supposed to cheer for THAT?
Meanwhile, over in the other corner, we get grooming.
This leads to a rather lengthy discussion of hairstyles. We learn that not only should every non-child and non-woman have a beard, but that in Daniel Bryan’s opinion, Miz should part on the side. I was thinking feathered and parted in the middle myself. Oh, DBry also believes that Darren Young should shave his head. Thankfully we are spared of the seemingly ever present Photoshop job of the guy being bald that they like to trot out on WWE TV.
And yes, all this hair discussion leads to the old Honky Tonk Man spot where the guy who is obsessed with his ‘do having it messed up. In this instance, though, Young’s hair looks exactly the same as it did before.
See, Miz can’t even mess up a dude’s hair properly. What a doofus.
Anyhoo, the commentary rapidly goes into a dissertation about Bryan Daniel being ‘Dazzling’. This goes on for so long that I seriously believe that the dude must be going under a name change. Gotta admit “Dazzling” Daniel Bryan has a lot going for …I can’t even complete that sentence.
Commercial time, and when we come back, we get our Don’t Try This At Home bit, this time with The Miz. Didn’t he do it last week? I know I’ve seen it before (and probably made the exact same jokes before). Anyway, he tells us, in the absolute most condescending manner humanly possible, that there’s no way we could do the moves he does, so don’t even try it.
He’ll be happy, I am sure, when I state that I will never, EVER try to emulate him in any way whatsoever.
Back in the arena, Miz does an arm drag in such botched fashion that we now know that he’s not only never going to be the new Nature Boy, he has zero prayer of being the new Dragon either. As soon as I type that, Darren Young also bring back a move from the past: the Whoopee Cushion.
Still, Darren Young just did the worst Whoopee Cushion ever, thus proving that while Miz is not the new Nature Boy, Young can’t be the new Doink either. This match is pretty horrible, although DBry (literally doing everything he can to keep a straight face) talking about how Miz is “technically sound” is very funny.
The Announcer Shot Finale gets Miz the win, and not a second too soon. Had that match gone much longer I don’t know that I could break out an “I LOVE THIS SHOW” in this report.
To commercial we go again, and the commercials this week are pretty boring. So instead I will amuse myself with this new Parker movie trailer I did this morning. It’s 4 seconds long, so yeah, go ahead and watch it.
Back to the arena, we get Kofi Kingston coming down the ramp, preparing to battle Epico. This should be a pretty good match, but it pretty much needs to be a Dave Meltzer-approved ***** classic to save the show this week. I will say that the commentary is gold:
Matthews: “Daniel, many people refer to you as ‘goat faced’.”
DBry: “Who are these people? Those people should stop bullying me.”
Yeah, jerks! BE A STAR!!!
Lots of flipping, rolling, covers in this match, and yeah, it’s pretty good. Remember that one week where Kofi dumped paint all over Randy Orton’s car and he carried off being a legit tough guy? And then they just forgot all about that a week later? That’s really too bad, as I think that he has the potent…wait. What’s that on his back?
Just as I was about to ask, “Has he always had those tattoos?” Josh chimes in that he just had some new ink on his back. I am going to pretend that Josh is reading my Facebook commentary as he commentates on this show.
And yes, I know they don’t do this commentary live. Just humor me, will ya?
Kofi pulls out an airplane spin (the OFFICIAL move of Saturday Morning Slam!), which leads to a win for him and his new tattoos.
To the back we go, and there’s Zack Ryder. I have mentioned before that I really like Ryder, and I like him even more after this week when he tweeted this:
Yeah, he’s a good kid. Anyway, he’s going to be taking on Dolph Ziggler next week, and THAT should be a lot of fun.
More fun than this show was, I am sure!