Saturday Morning Slam 03-23-13

17 Submitted by on Mon, 25 March 2013, 11:15
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After a few iffy weeks, last week’s Saturday Morning Slam, wherein Mick Foley was presented as the new General Manager, was one of the best eps in months. Will this week follow that pattern?  

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Let’s just say the preview on my DVR isn’t filling me with hope.

Our opening contest is brought to us by “the coolest boss in WWE today” (which is pretty much not even an arguable point), and it’s going to be a handicap match featuring The Great Khali taking on Primo and Epico.  The narrator tells us, in great detail, what a handicap match is, noting that while the Colons have the numbers game,  Khali is “enormously strong.”  What a fascinating contest this should be.

A quick spin of the SMS Commentator Wheel of Misfortune™ and we land on…

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…The Mad Ox himself, Brad Maddox.  I feel as horrified as Josh looks.  Yeesh.  Miz AND Maddox on the same show.  Feels like payback for last week being so good.

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On the plus side, Rosa’s Clearly Not G-Rated Shorts have returned.  Another plus is Natalya (thankfully not farting) has escorted Khali to the ring.  Maybe uh that will uh help distract us uh from uh Maddox’s uh hor-uhhhh-ble commentary.  This kid has been atrocious any time they put a mic on him, so why would they continue to do this?

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Yeah, I don’t know either, dude.  Nice to see you back, and in high res, no less.

So the match is pretty much exactly as you think it would be, with the poor Colons trying everything in their power to make it watchable.

 

Personally, I especially like their attempts to make Khali look faster than themselves.  That’s dedication to your craft right there.  Meanwhile, Maddox babbles on about how he’s been good friends with Mick Foley since 1998 when Mick was “much younger or older” than he was.  Don’t blame me, that’s what the man said.  Oh, and also, the show will now be called Saturday Mid-Afternoon Slam.  Josh, who you can tell is just getting more and more annoyed, basically just says, “No, it won’t be” then moves on.  The match ends with Khali sitting on Epico, which somehow causes the poor guy to go cross-eyed.

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Epico, once more the star of the show.  

 

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Following a commercial in which kids shoot spackle at each other (which I hope is a toy and not just kids randomly spraying bathroom grout in each other’s eyes), Garanimal-Wearin’ Mick Foley appears to discuss how he’d seen pictures of Natalya interacting with children in foreign lands and that it was beautiful.  He said this with a straight face believe it or not.  He is interrupted by Damien Sandow.  Foley and Sandow together sounds like comedy gold.  Well, I hate to disappoint you but…

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Yeah. So they’re going to have a match.  But not before we get a Saturday Morning Spotlight telling us how popular the guy is, how he’s the new Ric Flair, and how he’s perfecting the Figure Four Leglock.  Usually hearing such nonsense would have my head explode, but I am so mesmerized by this…

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…that I cannot concentrate on anything else.  Your eyes do not deceive you – that’s a grown man wearing a Miz shirt while rhythmically rubbing his stomach.

They felt compelled to air this on a show targeting children for some reason.

So we get back from our Dutch Oven break (appropriate that ad made a return this week, as this show truly stinks so far), and Damien Sandow is here to tell us to never try what he does at home.  If he really wanted to make this a “public service announcement” as he claimed, you know what he would tell us to not try at home?

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Yeah.

So the two have a ten minute match that is devoid of anything worthy of even bothering to video capture.  In fact, the only thing of note is that at one point, the commentary goes completely silent…while we see Maddox moving his mouth at ringside.  

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What on earth could he have botched so bad that it got edited off this show is something probably best left unearthed.  Regardless, Miz wins with the world’s worst figure four.

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Backstage, we get a horrendous showdown between Brodus & Sweet T and the Prime Time Players.  We can only pray that we get a dance off next week between these two.  Oh, and that this move is banned:

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Truly, amazingly awful show this week. Here’s hoping it gets back on track in seven days.

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Yeah, you know...the WrestleCrap guy. Been here since before day 1, I have. You can hang out with me on Facebook. (I'm on there quite a bit) or follow my exploits on Twitter (I'm on there not quite so often). Thanks, and Keep on Crappin'!
17 Responses to "Saturday Morning Slam 03-23-13"
  1. Brian E says:

    Yeah, I’ll agree. This episode was inferior to last week’s, and perhaps it will get better (or not). I do enjoy seeing Man Mountain Rock back on the scene; figures he would fit well in the SMS recaps. Hell, he’d fit in on the show altogether. 3MB, eat your heart out. :p

    • Paul R. from SpookCentral.tk says:

      Actually, 3 count should come back to take on 3mb. Man mountain rock should be 3 count’s manager/roadie.

  2. FALCONEFalcone says:

    So, how long until the wrestlecrap crew realize being a babbling buffoon is Maddox’s gimmick?

    • RD Reynolds says:

      Method acting!

    • Justin Henry says:

      Vickie being an annoying shrew is a “gimmick”, but is doesn’t mean I want to watch it.

      • FALCONEFalcone says:

        Oh totally. And as someone who has supported Brad Maddox, a guy who was an amazing Chickenshit heel back in FCW, be given the gimmick of a buffoon and zero ringtime pisses me off. But, as a Maddox fan, I’ll take whatever I can get.

  3. Jay "The Brain" Mann says:

    I love Mad Ox. And I’m a fan of The Miz. Yes, I’m weird. No, I don’t own any Miz shirts and that was not me belly dancing. That’s just plain bizarre (like good ol Davey Boy).

    • Derrick Cannon says:

      It’s actually Maddox, but for Maddox being a Mad Ox would be a step in the right direction. I could seriously see him pulling a cart carrying Vickie to the ring.

  4. Autrach Sejanoz says:

    Deal, remember how I PM’d you on Facebook a couple of weeks back & said to skip the show? Turns out it was THIS episode that was being taped.

  5. hobu0 says:

    Lol @ the people who think Brad Maddox sucks on purpose. I’m sure it was part of the Miz’s gimmick to mess up that first figure 4 he did too, because he hadn’t quite perfected it, ya know?

    • FALCONEFalcone says:

      Considering his work prior to this role, yeah, I’m inclined to believe he’s being made to suck on purpose.

      Especially after his great series with Richie Steamboat.

      • Paul R. from SpookCentral.tk says:

        Don’t forget Miz’s stellar job hosting the Diva Search many years ago. Gotta love a guy who couldn’t even read the crib notes he had written on his hand!

  6. Peter says:

    Is that guy rubbing his stomach part of the “Dutch Oven” warning we’ve been told about before?

  7. Ralphus says:

    Khali should sit on his opponents more often and call that finisher the Dutch Oven

  8. Jeremy says:

    Unfortunately, when you have a silly handicap match followed by a solid but unremarkable main event, you’re not Saturday Morning Slam. You’re Superstars. No one wants to be Superstars.

  9. RMyers has been sidelined recently at the Rays' minor league camp due to a wrist injury, the Tampa Bay Times reports.R says:

    I’m going to have to disagree on Maddox. He’s the best thing going right now on an otherwise unwatchable WWE product. I only hope he gets more and more ridiculous with his gimmick of being a semi-oblivious and apathetic authrotiy figure. I recommend watching all the WWE Active vids on WWE’s site, he’s gold there.

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