“Chaos has run amuck…the WWE roster is in disarray…alliances forged…allegiances questioned…who can you trust? These are dark and turbulent times…will a leader rise? The very FATE of Saturday Morning Slam hangs in the balance!”
Seriously, that’s how the show started this week.
Oh, and it wasn’t the usual jovial morning narrator, unless he scored Ole Anderson’s Black Scorpion voice box from eBay. That dude does show up, though, and tells us that ALL WWE Superstars and Divas are “jockeying for power” so they can take the reigns. Oh what I would pay to see, say, Paul Heyman and The Rock debate who should run things on Saturday Morning Slam!
We open the festivities backstage this week, with Teddy Long and Natalya (thankfully not farting) discussing what a fantastic job she’s done interviewing folks of late. Apparently asking folks who they want to beat up is a good indicator of how they may fare as a general manager. I’d scoff, but that actually kinda makes sense in a pro wrestling perspective.
Sadly, before I can even insert the Nattie clapping GIF, AJ shows up and says that she should be running the show, as she did run Raw. Hmm, I doubt most folks would consider Raw to SMS even a lateral career move. Teddy scoffs at young Ms. Lee, and says the two ladies can settle it in the ring.
As AJ bee bops down to the ring, I can’t help myself but admit that her entrance theme is darn catchy. I know, I know, my man card gets revoked for saying something like that. But it’s true, and it fits her character, heel or face, perfectly.
First participant of our opener now being introduced, it’s time for us to spin the Saturday Morning Slam Commentator Wheel of Misfortune™ and see who’ll be joining Josh this week.
Ugh, Dolph Ziggler. He was horrible on here the last time he was on, so this isn’t filling me with optimism. The fact that in his opening sentence he says “tonight” twice (!!!) doesn’t either. Two questions:
1) Is it that hard to get guys to understand this show takes place in the AM? I mean, it has MORNING right in the title of it!
2) Is Santino Marella really SO busy he can’t do this show weekly?
And immediately, Nattie goes into full on mock mode, pantomiming that AJ is ‘so short’. Good call, Ms. Neidhart; that’s just the kinda thinking of which Vince and Huntor would approve. Keep this up, and you’ll be running this show for sure!
So the two lock up as discussion of Natalya being Great Khali’s ‘gal pal’ is discussed, with Ziggler noting she now wants to be known as the Punjabi Princess. I doubt this to be true. AJ does a drop down, and Nattie decides to do the same.
AJ looks baffled, then swings and misses. I think. I’d blame myself for being confused, but Josh and Ziggler look completely baffled as well. I think there was a good idea in there someplace, but something tells me Maffew will throw this on an upcoming Botchamania.
Nattie quickly redeems herself, first with attempting to lead the crowd in a melodic “AJ” chant, then moving into what I can only describe as an assplane spin. Seriously, I hate to swear on here, but…
…what else would you call that? AJ gets back to her feet, though, and locks an armbar on Natalya in the ropes, going so far as to count along with the ref up to 5 in a spirited heel move.
She follows that with a goofy submission attempt that can only be described as…well…goofy. She then proceeds to attempt to thwart an oncoming Natalya by locking herself into the ropes.
That goes about as well as you’d expect.
Dolph then talks about his pet names for AJ, including the “tenacious terrier” and his “little spider monkey.” I somehow doubt Mrs. Deal would appreciate either of those two nicknames. Anyway, Nattie rolls through a cross body for the pin.
Yep, good for her.
Back from commercial (thankfully devoid of Dutch Oven references this week), we are told that virtually everyone in WWE wants to be SMS manager. Shawn Michaels, Roddy Piper, Steve Austin, Vince McMahon, and JOHN LAURINAITIS are mentioned as possible candidates. One of these things is not like the other.
Daniel Bryan faces Wade Barrett in the main. THE DAZZLER (!!!), as Bryan likes to be called on this show, gets the SMS Spotlight. You know, Dr. Shelby would make for a great GM. D-Bry and some guy I’ve never seen before chat for a bit as he licks his hair and grooms himself.
Really, I’m not kidding.
Back to the ring we go, but in a complete shocker Dolph is out at the commentary desk, replaced by…
You know how every week I say how they need to bring some genuine wackiness back the show?
KANE AS COMMENTATOR ON THIS KID SHOW IS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT.
And right away we get wackiness galore, as Kane explains that Daniel begged him to watch his match, as he has, and I am quoting here, “a pathological need for validation from me.” Kane then notes the changes he’d make as GM of this show, including changing the color scheme to red & black (“Josh, come on, I wear red & black”) and having inferno matches.
Kane then goes into full blown UFC-style analysis of Bryan, noting that he is an excellent striker and what he lacks in upper body strength, he’s been able to mitigate by using his feet, to edify by using his feet. Ok, we may have just found someone superior to Santino on this show. Fantastic.
Back from commercial, Cody Rhodes tells us not to grow a moustache at home. Sage wisdom for all you 8-year olds out there.
Ringside, Kane is asked about AJ running SMS. He rightly notes she bombed on Raw, so why on earth would Josh want her here? Good point, why would he? A crucifix gets the win for D-Bry…
…who immediately jumps out of the ring and hugs Kane, who again deadpans, “See? Need for validation.”
I know he doesn’t get the job, but after this, I will state for the record I have never wanted anything more in my life than to have Kane run this show.
Best show in a long, long time. SMS is back, baby!