Oh yeah, time for my favorite 30 minutes of the week (that have anything at all to do with wrestling): SATURDAY MORNING SLAM!
As I recall, last week was an acceptable show, but it was lacking a bit in the goofball department which I’ve come to expect from this show. Here’s hoping that we get some of that this week.
Immediately we’re informed that today’s show is going to be a “1-2 punch!!!” as we get Sheamus in action as well as our first ever SMS Divas match. Sho ’nuff, in the ring we have Alicia Fox (dressed as a skeleton, which is 3 months late or 9 months early for Halloween) and Natalya (who thankfully isn’t farting). Booker is back on commentary, so I am guessing that is a permanent change. Also permanent: Booker constantly referring to ‘this evening’ on a show that airs at 10:30 in the morning. Only one animated GIF for that:
Still, I do enjoy hearing about Booker and Alicia’s golfing exploits. Apparently she is quite the golfer. I now know this because Booker brought it up, oh, I don’t know, 5,000 times in the span of 4 minutes. I bring this up for not so much because it annoyed me (which it did, but in a minor way, like when you get an ice cream headache or something) but rather because it gives me a lame excuse to post a classic Bobby Heenan bit with him on the golf course with Gene Okerlund. Go ahead, enjoy. I will be here when you get done.
In the ring, this match is going…well, it’s not too bad, consisting pretty much solely of the girls attempting to one-up each other. You know, stuff like this:
I’ve seen worse. It also doesn’t go on too long (I wanna say maybe 5 minutes or so), which is another plus. Natty picks up the win with the Sharpshooter, so for all you geeks who have been bellyaching that she needs to get a push, there you go. She’s getting one.
Too bad for her it’s on Saturday Morning Slam.
Off to commercial we go, and when we come back we get a Spotlight on Sheamus. And a bunch of stupid looking kids. Like this one:
And this one:
Call me a jerk for making fun of kids, but I am in earnest when I state that should RD Jr. ever leave the house looking like this I may just change the locks.
I should also note that Sheamus said he was looking forward to having a great “two-thousand turdteen.”
Seriously, two-thousand TURDteen.
I don’t think I’d be excited about any year named after feces.
Commercial time again and whoa whoa whoa…what is this? They’ve given Chuck E. Cheese ANOTHER makeover?
So now he’s small, approximately the size or a real rat. Kinda looks like one too. I don’t know that see something more accurately resembling a rodent makes me want to go to a pizza place. Especially with young kids.
Back in the arena, we get Sheamus blabbering on about wanting to fight the biggest guy in the company, but he’s not around, so he’s just going to fight Michael McGillicutty instead. He comes out and I just start shaking my head. Mrs. Deal (who is watching SMS for the first time, probably to make sure I am not corrupting RD Jr. with it) asks why. “Do you remember Mr. Perfect?”
Mrs. Deal, immediately speaking in this man’s voice: “You have to BE Mr. Perfect. You ARE Mr. Perfect.”
Ok, so she got the guy wrong, but she was quoting GARY SPIVEY to me. What a completely amazing woman.
So the two start off, and it doesn’t take long ’til Sheamus steals Rey’s spot with McGillicutty, having him run the ropes for no reason. I’d get hot about that, but a) I love that spot and b) Sheamus goes out, sits at the announce desk, and drinks a bottle of water.
To commercial we go again.
You have no idea how much I hope that McGillicutty is still running the ropes when we get back from the break.
Back from commercial, Sheamus is our DO NOT TRY THIS bit, and they show him walking, posing, and staring. So yeah, don’t do ANY of those things.
In the arena my prayer has been answered, as McGillicutty is STILL running the ropes.
I LOVE THIS SHOW.
And somehow, it gets EVEN BETTER as Sheamus gets in the ring, and shares his bottle of water with the poor guy.
McGillicutty isn’t amused, though, and shouts, “This is serious! I am a SERIOUS wrestler! This is a JOKE!!”
He then proceeds, and with the Good Lord above as my witness and I am NOT making this up, to roll out of the ring and try to HIDE from from his foe.
Doesn’t help, as Sheamus kicks him right in the fart chamber.
Sheamus rolls him back into the ring, and gives him another SMS staple, the airplane spin. As you would guess, this causes McGillicutty to be absurdly dizzy, but he recovers and gets the pin!
Sadly for him, he pinned the referee instead of Sheamus.
I know it’s only three weeks into two-thousand turdteen, but there’s your match of the year.
And yeah, Sheamus picks up the win with the White Noise.
Back to the rope running…as that is now the McGillicutty’s ‘move’, I really hope that one week he is in the opening match, starts running the ropes, and then they have a bunch of recaps and packages and they come back to him at like the 28:00 mark and he’s still running the ropes.