Note from Triple Kelly: The David Koresh of ECW becomes a depressed rich white kid from a WB television show in WCW, with The Sandman as his wacky sitcom neighbor.

I didn’t think it was possible, but the Sci-Fi Channel finally found something even more depressing than that episode of The Twilight Zone where Burgess Meredith broke his glasses before he could read all existing collected editions of Penthouse Forum. As you probably know, this past June saw Vince McMahon’s ECW debut on Sci-Fi, earning respectable ratings. Not to beat a dead horse with a broken record, but that…thing…on Sci-Fi is closer to Tuesday Night Titans than the classic ECW Hardcore TV of yesteryear.

If you didn’t live through the ECW revolution of the 90s, you’ll never understand just how cutting edge and ahead of its time ECW truly was. Also, you probably saved a lot of money by not getting screwed over by bad tape traders every other flippin’ week. The Zombies, Macho Libres, and Rene Duprees who foul today’s airwaves are a far cry from ECW classics like Mick Foley’s anti-hardcore promos, New Jack’s anti-everyone promos, and the single greatest feud of the 90s.

Sure, Austin-McMahon and WCW-nWo raked in more scratch, but when it came to storytelling, drama, and surprises, nothing could touch the two-year bloodfeud between Raven and Tommy Dreamer. ECW’s defining feud had everything: Hot broads, cool promos, plunder by the ton, and more twists and turns than Vince Russo contracting osteoporosis while playing Pole Position with a corkscrew. No disrespect to Tommy, but it was the breakout character of Raven that fueled the war.

Scott Levy was a talented-as-hell enthusiastic up-and-comer who wrestled ‘round the biz as Scotty The Body and Scotty Flamingo before landing in the WWF as the cartoonish Johnny Polo, a spoiled rich kid. Levy made the most of it as both a manager and color commentator, but it was painfully obvious that the WWF had no plans for him beyond managing The Quebecers and quipping with Gorilla Monsoon. It was early-1995 when Levy tooned out and debuted at the ECW Arena, unveiling one of the most drastic transformations in wrestling history. Fans were shocked when Levy turned up as Raven, a grunged-up, burned out, cold, calculating, Machiavellian mastermind with the charisma of a cult leader. Polo no mo’, for the first real time, Scott Levy was allowed to literally figuratively spread his wings.

Eric Bischoff scored a major coup when Raven flew the coop to perch at WCW in 1997. With his Flock of flunkies in tow, Raven slowly began to capture the imagination of WCW fans during the promotion’s glory days. Fans took notice, but backstage politics eventually made Raven into a lame duck. I’m not going to point fingers at anyone, but here’s the word from the bird:

“(Hulk) Hogan's a piece of sh*t. He's a f**king a**hole. That motherf**ker sabotaged my career so f**king bad. I mean every meeting he would go in there, and I got a bunch of witnesses', you know, the f**ker would go in there and go 'eh, this kid can't draw money this kid can't do that'. He's a f**king a**hole.” – Raven, during a 2000 appearance on Wrestling Observer Live

Come 1999, WCW started an angle that was to begin the next chapter in Raven’s saga, reinventing him with something of a second coming. Instead, the angle’s “payoff” could very well have killed the character forever, had fans really been paying attention. The angle began as Raven was slowly consumed by the lifelong despair that haunted him. That’s right, Raven refused to play dodgeball because he was sad.

Scotty The Broody’s depression snowballed to the point where Raven would actually get to the ring and start sleeping on the job. Yes, yes, there are countless WCW punchlines to be had. But if I bit on every straight line this thing handed me, we’d never get out of here.
	Raven also started bailing on his matches. Most memorably, Raven didn’t just abandon his partner Kanyon, but he also damned Kanyon’s very soul.
Nevertheless, Kanyon stood by his man, unsuccessfully attempting to cheer up Rave. “The Innovator Of Offense” was Raven’s last remaining ally after Saturn freed the Flock at Fall Brawl 98. Kanyon ultimately revealed that Raven was born into a wealthy family while ironic signs were raised in the crowd.
	It was right about now that things got strange. Someone must have taken Ernest “The Cat” Miller’s catchphrase literally, because next thing you know, someone had called Raven’s mama! Not even that silver-bearded Samson, Doug Dillinger could keep this determined woman from finding her “Scotty” (a.k.a. Raven, which they reallllllly should have made clearer considering there were like half a dozen wrestlers named “Scott” running around WCW at the time).
In our next installment, Mama Raven (played by an actress whose name I couldn’t be arsed to research) was finally reunited with her Scotty. Mama Raven convinced Scotty to come home to roost while that sleazebag Mean Gene tried to sneak a peek down her blouse.
	Next thing we knew, Raven returned home to his mansion to eat his lobster. Hilarity erupted as Mama Raven asked Scotty if he would like a nice ham sandwich. See, it was funny because orthodox Jewish people don’t eat ham. They consider ham a taboo meat. Um, you did know that Raven is Jewish, didn’t you? Well, he is. In hindsight, the full comedic impact of this knee-slapper would probably have been better served had I mentioned that from the outset. Then again, WCW never mentioned it at all, so you guys got off easy.
The following vignette introduced us to two more members of the Raven Family. Raven and Mother Hen were joined by Raven’s grandma, Mrs. Peacock…
	…and his sister, Swallow. I kid. Her name was Chastity, and she was fired approximately six minutes into her WCW career when someone tipped off Turner higher-ups that she had performed in a porn video. (Seriously.) (Note from RD: I would like to point out tht this would also be in stark contrast to say, WWE, where such information would likely lead to a promotion.)
And don’t look now, but things got REALLY crazy when we met Jim, the wacky neighbor! Yup, that’s the Sandman. As if domesticating Raven wasn’t bad enough, WCW took the cane-swinging, beer-guzzling, cigarette-smoking, wife-pimping hardcore icon and turned him into Eddie f’n Haskell. I told you not to look.
	Then Kanyon took a bump into the pool. KOMEDY!
Raven and Jim had all sorts of preposterously outrageous adventures, like the time they…um…played backgammon.
	Subplot alert! In the classic episode Raven And Jim Rummage Through The Garage, Raven found pictures of his mentor, the legendary “Rowdy” Roddy Piper. I admit it. I honestly thought that the angle’s payoff would be the revelation that Hot Rod was Raven’s father. Pretty sad, huh? Even sadder, the real payoff turned out to be far, far worse.
The final sketch saw Kanyon again crashing Raven’s pity party. But this time, things were different. Is Raven…smiling? Look, I’m not one of those fan-fic-writing e-fed chat room quarterbacks who goes around telling wrestlers how they should play their characters, but dammit... RAVEN SHOULD NOT SMILE. More blasphemy ensued as Raven would periodically pause to break character, look at the camera, and share a sly wink with we, the viewing audience. What happened to the Raven we knew and loved? Breaking tables = Good Breaking the fourth wall = Bad What the hell was this? Ferris Bueller’s Day Off? Raven took Kanyon for a spin in Cameron’s dad’s car to end Act I.
	Given his admitted history of drug and alcohol abuse, withdrawals were nothing new for Raven. But in this case, he went to the bank to cash his WCW paycheck for five months of sitting on his ass. There was a reason the boys referred to Bischoff as “ATM Eric” don’chaknow.
In another deucedly un-Raven like gesture, Raven took Kanyon shopping. Kanyon brought the funny by mispronouncing “Versace.” Why they would swipe a bit from Showgirls is a mystery in and of itself…
	…but yet another mystery had painfully obvious clues right there in front of us all along.
After their makeover, the Metrosexuals On A Mission painted the town red! Or they just used all the cash to buy a bunch of cheesy location shots. Either’s good. First stop: Sophie’s Bistro! No way! They really went to Sophie’s Bistro?! In true yenta fashion, I immediately called my best friend, Sean Carless, of www.thewrestlingfan.com fame. Like myself, he couldn’t believe it. Him: “What’s that?” Me: “Dude, that’s Sophie’s Bistro!” Him: “Sophie’s Bistro?” Me: “Yup.” Him: “That’s Sophie’s Bistro?!” Me: “Uh huh.” Him: “That’s not Sophie’s Bistro.” Me: “Yes sir, that is indeed Sophie’s Bistro.” Him: “Wow. (Long pause) That’s Sophie’s Bistro!” Him: “Told ya.” Him: (Longer pause) “What the hell is Sophie’s Bistro?” [In the above exchange, replace “What” with “Who,” and “Sophie’s Bistro” with “Bobby Eaton,” and you’ll have the transcript from a Q&A session I once had with some idiot sitting behind me at a WCW live event. True story. It wasn’t Sean, though. I don’t think.]
	With the night in full swing, the boys dropped by that ritzy hotspot, uh, Bar. For Raven’s sake, I hope Kanyon didn’t pick out this one.
Then the decadent duo ate pizza. Was it really, really expensive pizza? Or maybe they bought the whole pizza parlor. “Million-Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase never thought of that one, did he?
	We can only pray that this is just a place where the lads stopped for pastries and not, say, pasties. I’d hate to think that I share a basic genetic humanoid structure with any sentient being that could possibly think “Jellyrolls” is a good name for a strip club.
Ahhh, now this is more like it! The Gold Club is actually one of the most famous strip clubs in the world! Mind you, it’s famous for a far-reaching 2001 scandal, during which it was alleged Eric Bischoff brought a stripper back to his hotel room to give Mrs. Bischoff a “private show” (ahem). So what the hell was Kanyon doing here?
	Somewhere in there, Kanyon logically asked why Richie Raven lives like a damn dirty hippie on the road. Raven’s answer forever changed the way I would look at the man Paul Heyman used to call “the David Koresh of pro wrestling.”

And that was it. Now let’s reflect on what we just learned. All those years, Raven’s barbed-wire-slashing, opponent-crucifying, Kurt-Angle-offending insidious acts of evil were just to annoy his mommy.

But who knows? Maybe Scott Levy had an ace up his sleeve. Maybe it would have been something so brilliant, so creative, so twisted, it would have washed away the bad taste left from all those weeks at Stately Raven Manor. Maybe Raven could have come out of it recharged and reinvigorated. Maybe Raven really could have soared through the glass ceiling and ascended to mainstream main event status. We’ll never know.

A full year before Stone Cold hit, Raven was the most original heel the business had seen in years. Raven had the look, the gimmick, and the talent to go all the way. At the very least, he deserved the benefit of the doubt to fully tell his story as he envisioned it. But WCW disagreed, and yet another license-to-print-money gimmick was dead and buried. And really, if you were expecting anything less from WCW at this point, our man Raven has three words for you.

That’s so Raven!

Special thanks to www.olcalwayswins.com for the WOL quote.

DEDICATED TO RIC "HOTLINE" CARTER

I just learned that Ric "Hotline" Carter has passed away. What I feel is a combination of shock, numbness, and much sadness.

It was through Ric that I was delivered unto the prophet Bill "Potshot" Kunkel, who would become my personal guru-slash-Dr. Frankenstein. Ric, Bill, Roman Gomez, and myself watched the Halloween Havoc 95 PPV, "highlighted" by The Giant falling off Cobo Hall. The wisecracks flew, and just like that, we were off and running. About this time in my life, I was teetering between the Apter mags and the "sheets." Ric and Bill had a big
hand in shoving me over the edge to the dark side, and suddenly, I had a whole new way to look at and enjoy my favorite sport. To this day, I give them as much credit (and blame) for who I am as anyone.

You see, it was 1994 when I stumbled across a show called "WrestleTalk" on AM radio, hosted by Ric and Bill. Before there was an ISP in every room, WrestleTalk was years ahead of its time, dishing the dirt and doing so hilariously. The best was when they were joined by Mick "Cactus Jack" Foley, who was promoting an October match against Sabu. The show ended with the following exchange:

Foley: "Dewey, tell 'em who your daddy is!"

(Then-infant Dewey mumbled some baby talk into the phone.)

Foley: "Did you hear what he said?"

Ric: "Did he say 'Owen Hart?'"

I was on the floor, Bill howled, and even Foley had to put over Ric out-zinging him. It was at this match where I met Ric and Bill for the first time and found they were every bit as funny in person. During the main event, Foley, who was under the mistaken impression that Ric had called him "washed up," took the mic and insisted he was "not washed up, you Ric Carter scumbag!!" Most of the fans didn't know what to make of that, but
Ric marked out. Even people who follow the biz might have difficulty understanding why a world famous wrestler calling one a "scumbag" in a crowded room could be considered a personal highlight, but you just had to know Ric. Ric was one of those guys who could bust your chops for hours on end, and it just endeared you to him that much more.

Trivia: In his first book, Have A Nice Day, Foley briefly talked about this match. This was the match where Foley and Sabu brawled up into the casino area, culminating with a piledriver on a blackjack table. Furthermore, WrestleTalk was the Las Vegas radio show Foley mentioned in the book.

Another classic Ric line occurred at a following Silver Nugget show, where Ric approached Roy Lucier, who had driven in from California for the Sabu vs. Terry Funk main event. As everyone was lined up at the door, Ric pointed over to the scoreboard at the nearby sports book and said, "Look, the odds of Roy getting kicked out tonight are 2 to 1!" (Dave Meltzer and other veterans of the 90s west coast scene will fully appreciate that one.)

But my fondest memories of Ric were the times when he, Bill, Reid, Roman, Doni, Kim, and myself would take in Fabulous Moolah's then-annual LIWA (Ladies International Wrestling Association) shows at the Union Plaza ballroom, circa 90s. Whether it was Roman yelling "We're not graduating!" when they inevitably played "Pomp And Circumstance" instead of "The Star-Spangled Banner" or Bill astutely pointing out that one of the lady wrestlers "looks like Mabel had a sexchange," by the end of the night, my face hurt from laughing so hard. Forgive my hubris, but we owned that f'n
room.

Moolah would promote her cards on Ric's show, and Ric was brought in as a referee every now and then. For our crew, seeing just how horrible a picture of Ric they always managed to stick in the program was worth the price of admission alone. At the June '96 show, a mixed tag match saw a wrestler named Angie Jane T bleed hardway from the nose after a move went awry with her opponent, Joanie Lee (a.k.a. Joanie "Chyna" Laurer). I started an enthusiastic chant of "She's hardcore," which echoed throughout
the ballroom. Unlike us, however, the office was not amused. At next year's gala, a request was made to me, "Don't get us in trouble with that ECW sh*t again." Ric later clarified that due to the chant, he was not invited to referee at the '97 show. I rightly took the heat, but I pointed out, "Dude, you were chanting too!" He shot back, "I know! That's why!" I apologized, but he just laughed.

On a personal note, when I wrote my first full-length wrestling satire piece back in 1997 (a goofball piece about Bischoff and McMahon waging a bidding war over Al Snow's Head), Ric was the first person to call me and tell me it was great. As corny as this sounds, I always thought Ric considered me a mark (which, to be fair, I was), so a thumbs-up from him meant a lot to me.

It still does.

Speaking of 1997, remember Eddie vs. Rey at Halloween Havoc from Las Vegas? Grab your copy of that PPV and pop it in for a minute. During the intros, Las Vegan Mike Tenay briefly reminisced about the unique longtime wrestling fans in LV. He mentioned Ric by name, and as we all know, the next 18 minutes turned into the greatest match in WCW PPV history. Ric loved the biz so much, I can't help but take a little solace in the fact that this slice of immortality is a small part of his legacy. Thank you, Mike.

Speaking of which, I'm hardly the first to say this, but Ric's true legacy is in the amazing family he leaves behind and the countless number of times he put a smile on the face of everyone he knew. There is no doubt in my mind that my life would have been significantly different had I never discovered Wrestletalk, nor met the mad geniuses behind it. Am I a better person for having known Ric? Who's to say? But I had a hell of a lot more fun, that's for sure. My heart and prayers go out to Ric's family and friends. Ric "Hotline" Carter was one of a kind and those of us in his "other" family know that the get-togethers at Las Vegas indy shows will never be the same again.

Harry Simon
090906
harry@wrestlecrap.com

- Kanyon: “Raven the knucklehead has decided once again that’s he’s not gonna come out here with me! (Fans boo and groan…and this was seven years before that setup grabbed its ankles.) And I don’t care! I don’t care because it’s his fault – He is the reason that last week, in front of all my homies, my name went down in the record book as the loser who ended the twenty-plus year losing streak known as the Armstrong curse!”

- Kanyon: “‘Vurr-SEIS?’ What is that? I – I never even heard of it.”
Raven (mocking Kanyon): “‘What’s that? I never heard of it. What’s vurr-SEIS?’ It’s ‘vurr-sah-chay’. Wotta maroon. Come on, I’m buying you some clothes.”
Kanyon: “You’re buying me clothes?”
Raven: “Mm.”
Kanyon: “Yeah?”
Raven: “Mm.” (Overwhelmed, Kanyon hugs Raven and coos affectionately.)

- Kanyon: “I thought you were always depressed.”
Raven: “What’s there to be depressed about? I’ve got cars like these!”
Kanyon: “These are yours?”
Raven: “Yeah!”
Kanyon: “Then why are we always driving around in a piece of crap?”
Raven: (Turning to the camera) “He don’t get it.” (Turning back to Kanyon) “Because it drives her crazy!”

- Raven: “What a mark!”