Category Archives: Headlies

The latest pro graps newz you won’t get anywhere else. Because it probably isn’t true. Probably.

Headlies: One Man Gang Takes on Eight Man Gang, Loses

1 Submitted by on Thu, 21 February 2013, 10:00
  George Gray, known to wrestling fans world wide as The One Man Gang, is in critical condition tonight at a Chicago hospital following a gangland style beating.   Nurse Betty Jones, who spoke with us on the condition of anonymity, told our reporter: “I don’t know what would make One Man, regardless of his size, think he could take on Continue Reading...
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Headlies: S.D. Jones is Outside, Trying to Make a Special Delivery

2 Submitted by on Tue, 19 February 2013, 09:00
  Topeka, KS – WCNewz has learned that “Special Delivery” Jones is outside someone’s door right now with a Special Delivery. “I’m from WHS (We Haul Stuff) Delivery Services,” Mr. Jones said loudly, knocking on the wooden shack’s cork-board door. “SD” – well-known for a 9-second loss at the inaugural Wrestlemania against King Kong Bundy – was once a popular Continue Reading...
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Headlies: King Kong Bundy Finally Admits to Killing Midget at WM3

2 Submitted by on Sat, 16 February 2013, 12:00
  King Kong Bundy has finally ended over 25 years of speculation in an exclusive WCNewz interview, stating emphatically that he is responsible for killing midget-wrestler Little Beaver via bodyslam, followed by a “big elbow” in 1987. Bundy (known as a “walking condominium”) told our reporter: “Yeah. He died of emphysema in 1995. ‘Cause I squished the air right out of Continue Reading...
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Headlies: The Barbarian Doesn’t Recall Starring in Conan Movie

3 Submitted by on Wed, 13 February 2013, 10:00
  In a recent interview with WCNewz, The Barbarian (one-half of the WWE “The Powers of Pain” tag-team) admits that he has no recollection of starring in, or even being on the set of, the 1982 Conan movie that shares his name. “It’s about my life?” The Barbarian asked WCNewz. “That depends on quite a bit,” our reporter responded. When Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Iron Sheik Unsure How to Humble Anyone Anymore

2 Submitted by on Fri, 08 February 2013, 10:00
  Citing his declining health (bad hips have forced him into a wheelchair when traveling) and mostly incoherent mental state, The Iron Sheik told WCNewz reporters that he’s unsure of how to humble anyone anymore. “I jus’ not sure,” he said. “I think it hurts & is meant as degrading thing when I humble or threaten to humble someone or Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Gene Okerlund Tired of Unfair Moniker

4 Submitted by on Wed, 06 February 2013, 09:32
“I’m actually a pretty nice guy,” ‘Mean’ Gene Okerlund said in an exclusive interview with WCNewz. “I don’t know what else to say beyond that. You try to live right, do positive things, help people and this is still how they see you,” he said. A teary-eyed Okerlund suddenly ended the interview by knocking over a chair & exiting the Continue Reading...
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Headlies: El Generico To Be Repackaged With Exciting New Persona

8 Submitted by on Tue, 05 February 2013, 10:00
  Stamford, CT – Following his signing with WWE, independent wrestling superstar El Generico will be repackaged with a new, exciting persona. “El Generico as a character is just too boring for today’s market,” said WWE CEO Vince McMahon. “The WWE Universe will only get behind someone that they can believe in. They need something with more pizazz, something that Continue Reading...
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Headlies: WWE Pondering Producing Dead Puppy Bowl

6 Submitted by on Sat, 02 February 2013, 20:00
  With the Super Bowl just hours away, rumors have begun circulating that Vince McMahon had plans to once again compete with a league of his own. We’ve learned that while this is in fact true, information has come about that suggests there were no plans to rekindle the XFL.  What the company had in mind was something far more Continue Reading...
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Headlies: 56 Year Old Man Can’t Believe Zack Ryder Isn’t Being Pushed

3 Submitted by on Fri, 01 February 2013, 09:00
Cedar Rapids, IA – Phil Samuelsson, a 56 year old Systems Analyst for QuantComm International, could not believe that WWE Superstar Zack Ryder is not receiving a push. The middle-age father of three expressed his feelings of disappointment and annoyance over the fact that, despite Ryder’s internet popularity, he is rarely on television and not in line for the WWE Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Tatanka To Open New BW3 Location, Serve Actual Buffalo

2 Submitted by on Wed, 30 January 2013, 11:00
A new Buffalo Wild Wings restaurant is set to open in Pembroke, North Carolina, but there’s been a bit of a hot and spicy controversy brewing between the company and the owner of the would be franchise. Christopher Chavis, better known to wrestling fans as “Tatanka”, is the franchise owner in question who was excited about the venture at first, Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Fan Demands Refund After Watching Illegal Stream Of Royal Rumble

5 Submitted by on Tue, 29 January 2013, 12:00
  Chicago, Illinois – Avid wrestling fan Dan DeAmonte demanded a refund from WWE following the Royal Rumble pay-per-view despite watching it via an illegal stream online. “I’ve been watching WWE for almost all my life and I never miss a show” said the 29 year old Pizzeria Uno cook and self-described “smark”. “Sure, I don’t actually own a TV Continue Reading...
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Headlies: WrestleMania 29 Card Updated Post-Royal Rumble

18 Submitted by on Mon, 28 January 2013, 15:47
The WrestleMania 29 card has been officially updated after the tremendous Royal Rumble in Phoenix, Arizona on Sunday night. Let’s take a look at how the card shapes up after a superhuman performance by John Cena in winning the Royal Rumble match. WWE Championship Match John Cena vs. John Cena World Heavyweight Championship Match John Cena vs. John Cena Last Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Jeff Hardy Caught With 100 lbs of ICOPRO

4 Submitted by on Mon, 28 January 2013, 09:00
Charlotte, North Carolina – Current TNA champion Jeff Hardy was arrested Friday after being caught with 100 lbs of ICOPRO in the trunk of his car. Integrated Conditioning Program, or ICOPRO as it’s known on the streets, is a bodybuilding supplement popular amongst the World Bodybuilding Federation in the early 1990′s. “We noticed that the suspect was traveling at a Continue Reading...
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Headlies: TNA Reportedly Using WrestleCrap Books As “Creative Blueprint”

2 Submitted by on Thu, 24 January 2013, 09:00
As soon as Brooke Hogan uttered the term, “It’s the shit”, Hulk Hogan felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand straight up. He finally put the creative puzzle together in his head. Brooke was referencing her newest single, “Hulka Hulka Burning Love”, which was released to family and friends just last week. You see, Hulk has been Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Zack Ryder is Counting on his Name in Lights

0 Submitted by on Tue, 22 January 2013, 09:00
Zack Ryder recently ended his YouTube show, “The Z! True Long Island Story”, after one hundred episodes. We sent someone out to interview him on the subject, but when our interviewer came back he had a much more interesting story to tell. “The interview was going fine, everything was normal, until I mentioned the number ’100′ and, suddenly, Zack went Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Ryback Takes Inspiration From Honey Boo Boo

7 Submitted by on Mon, 21 January 2013, 10:00
  Photoshoppery by The Hawaiian Hammer   Wearing a skin-tight onesie…er singlet…and screaming “FEED ME MORE” seems more akin to a two-year-old trapped in a playpen than a hulking behemoth trapped inside the squared circle. There’s a reason for that – it was the inspiration for Ryback’s new attitude. Many think that Ryback is an offshoot from Goldberg, but those Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Wrestlers Secretly Rolling Up New Gimmicks

4 Submitted by on Fri, 18 January 2013, 10:00
When Kane and Daniel Bryan became tag team partners it was assumed by most fans that the writers simply had nothing for them but, according to Daniel Bryan, that’s simply not the case. “Actually, it’s not as random as you would think”, Daniel Bryan said in a candid interview on a local morning radio show. “Kane and I have been Continue Reading...
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Headlies: The Rock Denies Partnership With The American Sugar Council

11 Submitted by on Wed, 16 January 2013, 09:00
  Houston, Texas – After another heated battle of words with his Royal Rumble opponent CM Punk, The Rock has come under fire for repeatedly referring to his opponents as sugary foods. Known for his quick wit and colorful commentary, the People’s Champion, as he is known, raised many eyebrows following his naming of CM Punk as the Carvel ice Continue Reading...
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Headlies: The Rock’s Dementia Continues To Worsen

0 Submitted by on Mon, 14 January 2013, 10:00
Photoshoppery by The Hawaiian Hammer   Finally, The Rock has come back…home…again. It was cute and extremely fitting when he came back to Miami, his hometown. Now, it’s become a sad sight to see as The Rock announces that he’s home in every city he steps foot in. It’s extremely frustrating when travelling through small cities, as Rock barely has Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Hornswoggle Celebrates Over 2,000 Days As Cruiserweight Champion

2 Submitted by on Sun, 06 January 2013, 21:09
A large celebration is planned for next week’s Monday Night Raw to commemorate Hornswoggle’s unprecedented 5 ½ year run with the Cruiserweight championship. WWE is pulling out all the stops to celebrate the milestone for the wrestler originally known as “The Little Bastard”. “Remember the ‘Rock: This Is Your Life’ segment a few years back?” said Raw head writer David Continue Reading...
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Headlies: WWE looking to take the “Be A Star” program in a new direction

0 Submitted by on Sun, 06 January 2013, 19:21
Stamford, CT – For those of you who think the WWE’s anti-bullying campaign is already ridiculous, according to our WWE insider, Vince McMahon is taking the “Be A Star” program in a new direction… and it’s out of this world. “I think Vince is taking it a bit too literal,” our WWE insider admitted over the phone, “he basically wants Continue Reading...
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Headlies: VINCE MCMAHON ENCOURAGING TALENTS TO CHRISTMAS CAROL VIA TOUT / CHRISTIAN OFFENDED BY HOILDAY SIGN AT TARGET

1 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:20
Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here VINCE MCMAHON ENCOURAGING TALENTS TO CHRISTMAS CAROL VIA TOUT By Justin Henry Stamford, CT – WWE’s investment in the social media microblogging service Tout has been widely panned by viewers of the company’s television product, due to perceived abuse of its product placement. Now, the infatuation with Tout has Continue Reading...
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Headlies: NICK FURY ROLLS EYE AT WWE’S VERSION OF SHIELD

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:18
Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here NICK FURY ROLLS EYE AT WWE’S VERSION OF SHIELD By RD Reynolds Lafayette, LA – The crowd at tonight’s WWE Raw taping had a most unexpected visitor: Director of SHIELD, Nick Fury. Best known to the world as the man who was the brains behind the formation of the superhero group Continue Reading...
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Headlies: FIGHTER HAYABUSA, WCW MASTER MIFFED OVER DELETED SCENES FROM WRECK-IT RALPH

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:17
Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here FIGHTER HAYABUSA, WCW MASTER MIFFED OVER DELETED SCENES FROM WRECK-IT RALPH By Justin Henry Burbank, CA – Disney’s latest animated offering, Wreck-It Ralph, is the story of a video game villain who dreams of finally becoming a hero. Several video game heroes and villains make appearances in a movie Continue Reading...
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Headlies: RYBACK TO DISPEL GOLDBERG COMPARISONS BY EATING PORK, BURNING BILLY JOEL CD COLLECTION

1 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:16
Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here RYBACK TO DISPEL GOLDBERG COMPARISONS BY EATING PORK, BURNING BILLY JOEL CD COLLECTION By Justin Henry Las Vegas – Despite the proliferation of “FEED. ME. MORE” chants echoing through WWE venues, there are still those who mock rising WWE superstar Ryback with “GOLD-BERG” chants, in light of his physical Continue Reading...
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Headlies: VINCE MCMAHON TO BEGIN BREAKING INTO HOMES, FORCE EVERYONE TO PUT ON RAW

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:15
Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here VINCE MCMAHON TO BEGIN BREAKING INTO HOMES, FORCE EVERYONE TO PUT ON RAW By Justin Henry Stamford, CT – After the October 1 edition of Monday Night Raw scored an abysmal 2.5 rating, especially compared to Monday Night Football’s 6.8, things have gotten tense at Titan Tower. WWE CEO Continue Reading...
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