Category Archives: Headlies

The latest pro graps newz you won’t get anywhere else. Because it probably isn’t true. Probably.

Headlies: Miz’s Dad Watches Son Get Pummeled, Wins Father of the Year for Not Stopping It

14 Submitted by on Tue, 17 September 2013, 08:00
Cleveland, OH – After watching his son receive vicious beatdown on Raw at the hands of Randy Orton, George Mizanin was awarded the 73rd annual “Father Of The Year” award from the Father’s Day Council. A small ceremony was held at the Cleveland Hilton Conference Room C. Council chairman Dan Orweig was on-hand to present the Miz’s father with a Continue Reading...
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Headlies: “I’m A Dixie Carter Guy” T-shirts Not Selling As Well As Expected

4 Submitted by on Sat, 14 September 2013, 12:00
Nashville, TN – Despite being available for several months online and being sold at every live event, sales of TNA’s “I’m A Dixie Carter Guy” t-shirts have been very disappointing. During a company-wide meeting, sort-of TNA Impact Wrestling president Dixie Carter addressed the situation. “I don’t understand the problem,” said a bewildered Dixie. “We put on a great product every Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Twitter Personality Jim Ross Retires

9 Submitted by on Wed, 11 September 2013, 16:19
  Norman, OK – Internet personality Jim Ross announced Wednesday that, after a long and extensive run in the business of tweeting, he will be retiring from Twitter, effective immediately. Ross, 61, has become known among the younger generation as an ardent user of the social media site Twitter. Ross, known to fans as, “Good Ol’ JR”, mostly for the Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Miss Marietta Lively To Debut On Monday Night Raw

10 Submitted by on Mon, 09 September 2013, 08:00
Toronto, ON – Miss Marietta Lively, a new female wrestler, will make her in ring debut tonight at Monday Night Raw. “The WWE is proud to have Miss Marietta Lively on our roster, especially after the firing of Cody Rhodes last week,” said Triple H. “You know, I don’t actually know all that much about her. As Executive Vice President Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Triple H To Release Album Of Disney Classics

7 Submitted by on Mon, 02 September 2013, 08:00
Hollywood, CA – Following his stirring rendition of “When You Wish Upon A Star” from the classic “Pinocchio” WWE has decided to release an entire album of Triple H singing Disney songs. “I was just feeling it on Raw, you know?” said Triple H inside the recording studio. “Sometimes when you can’t find the correct words to say, you just Continue Reading...
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Headlies: No One In The Back Wants To Help CM Punk

4 Submitted by on Tue, 27 August 2013, 19:00
Phoenix, AZ – During a vicious beatdown at the hands of Paul Heyman and Curtis Axel, it became abundantly clear that no one in the back wants to help CM Punk. As the assault on the handcuffed CM Punk continued on live television for several agonizing minutes, no one from the locker room deemed it necessary to come out and Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Daniel Bryan Changes His Catchphrase to ‘Maybe!’

6 Submitted by on Mon, 26 August 2013, 08:00
Aberdeen, WA – WWE Superstar Daniel Bryan has changed his definitive catchphrase of “Yes!” to a more neutral chant of “Maybe!” Following the loss of the WWE Championship to Randy Orton mere seconds after defeating John Cena, the volatile Bryan has gone into a mode of self-reflection and introspection. “Despite my years of dominating on the independent scene, I’ve come Continue Reading...
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Headlies: The Miz Revealed to be Lovecraftian Old God

9 Submitted by on Mon, 19 August 2013, 08:00
Los Angeles, CA – In a shocking turn of events, WWE Superstar The Miz, was revealed to be a blasphemous “Old One”, an ancient and extremely powerful supernatural entity from beyond the stars. Following an exciting main event featuring WWE Champion John Cena and Daniel Bryan, The Miz, who was serving as the host of Summerslam, stood in the middle Continue Reading...
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