Category Archives: Headlies

The latest pro graps newz you won’t get anywhere else. Because it probably isn’t true. Probably.

Headlies: TNA Reportedly Using WrestleCrap Books As “Creative Blueprint”

2 Submitted by on Thu, 24 January 2013, 09:00
As soon as Brooke Hogan uttered the term, “It’s the shit”, Hulk Hogan felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand straight up. He finally put the creative puzzle together in his head. Brooke was referencing her newest single, “Hulka Hulka Burning Love”, which was released to family and friends just last week. You see, Hulk has been Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Zack Ryder is Counting on his Name in Lights

0 Submitted by on Tue, 22 January 2013, 09:00
Zack Ryder recently ended his YouTube show, “The Z! True Long Island Story”, after one hundred episodes. We sent someone out to interview him on the subject, but when our interviewer came back he had a much more interesting story to tell. “The interview was going fine, everything was normal, until I mentioned the number ’100′ and, suddenly, Zack went Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Ryback Takes Inspiration From Honey Boo Boo

7 Submitted by on Mon, 21 January 2013, 10:00
  Photoshoppery by The Hawaiian Hammer   Wearing a skin-tight onesie…er singlet…and screaming “FEED ME MORE” seems more akin to a two-year-old trapped in a playpen than a hulking behemoth trapped inside the squared circle. There’s a reason for that – it was the inspiration for Ryback’s new attitude. Many think that Ryback is an offshoot from Goldberg, but those Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Wrestlers Secretly Rolling Up New Gimmicks

4 Submitted by on Fri, 18 January 2013, 10:00
When Kane and Daniel Bryan became tag team partners it was assumed by most fans that the writers simply had nothing for them but, according to Daniel Bryan, that’s simply not the case. “Actually, it’s not as random as you would think”, Daniel Bryan said in a candid interview on a local morning radio show. “Kane and I have been Continue Reading...
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Headlies: The Rock Denies Partnership With The American Sugar Council

11 Submitted by on Wed, 16 January 2013, 09:00
  Houston, Texas – After another heated battle of words with his Royal Rumble opponent CM Punk, The Rock has come under fire for repeatedly referring to his opponents as sugary foods. Known for his quick wit and colorful commentary, the People’s Champion, as he is known, raised many eyebrows following his naming of CM Punk as the Carvel ice Continue Reading...
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Headlies: The Rock’s Dementia Continues To Worsen

0 Submitted by on Mon, 14 January 2013, 10:00
Photoshoppery by The Hawaiian Hammer   Finally, The Rock has come back…home…again. It was cute and extremely fitting when he came back to Miami, his hometown. Now, it’s become a sad sight to see as The Rock announces that he’s home in every city he steps foot in. It’s extremely frustrating when travelling through small cities, as Rock barely has Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Hornswoggle Celebrates Over 2,000 Days As Cruiserweight Champion

2 Submitted by on Sun, 06 January 2013, 21:09
A large celebration is planned for next week’s Monday Night Raw to commemorate Hornswoggle’s unprecedented 5 ½ year run with the Cruiserweight championship. WWE is pulling out all the stops to celebrate the milestone for the wrestler originally known as “The Little Bastard”. “Remember the ‘Rock: This Is Your Life’ segment a few years back?” said Raw head writer David Continue Reading...
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Headlies: WWE looking to take the “Be A Star” program in a new direction

0 Submitted by on Sun, 06 January 2013, 19:21
Stamford, CT – For those of you who think the WWE’s anti-bullying campaign is already ridiculous, according to our WWE insider, Vince McMahon is taking the “Be A Star” program in a new direction… and it’s out of this world. “I think Vince is taking it a bit too literal,” our WWE insider admitted over the phone, “he basically wants Continue Reading...
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Headlies: VINCE MCMAHON ENCOURAGING TALENTS TO CHRISTMAS CAROL VIA TOUT / CHRISTIAN OFFENDED BY HOILDAY SIGN AT TARGET

1 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:20
Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here VINCE MCMAHON ENCOURAGING TALENTS TO CHRISTMAS CAROL VIA TOUT By Justin Henry Stamford, CT – WWE’s investment in the social media microblogging service Tout has been widely panned by viewers of the company’s television product, due to perceived abuse of its product placement. Now, the infatuation with Tout has Continue Reading...
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Headlies: NICK FURY ROLLS EYE AT WWE’S VERSION OF SHIELD

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:18
Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here NICK FURY ROLLS EYE AT WWE’S VERSION OF SHIELD By RD Reynolds Lafayette, LA – The crowd at tonight’s WWE Raw taping had a most unexpected visitor: Director of SHIELD, Nick Fury. Best known to the world as the man who was the brains behind the formation of the superhero group Continue Reading...
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Headlies: FIGHTER HAYABUSA, WCW MASTER MIFFED OVER DELETED SCENES FROM WRECK-IT RALPH

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:17
Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here FIGHTER HAYABUSA, WCW MASTER MIFFED OVER DELETED SCENES FROM WRECK-IT RALPH By Justin Henry Burbank, CA – Disney’s latest animated offering, Wreck-It Ralph, is the story of a video game villain who dreams of finally becoming a hero. Several video game heroes and villains make appearances in a movie Continue Reading...
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Headlies: RYBACK TO DISPEL GOLDBERG COMPARISONS BY EATING PORK, BURNING BILLY JOEL CD COLLECTION

1 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:16
Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here RYBACK TO DISPEL GOLDBERG COMPARISONS BY EATING PORK, BURNING BILLY JOEL CD COLLECTION By Justin Henry Las Vegas – Despite the proliferation of “FEED. ME. MORE” chants echoing through WWE venues, there are still those who mock rising WWE superstar Ryback with “GOLD-BERG” chants, in light of his physical Continue Reading...
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Headlies: VINCE MCMAHON TO BEGIN BREAKING INTO HOMES, FORCE EVERYONE TO PUT ON RAW

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:15
Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here VINCE MCMAHON TO BEGIN BREAKING INTO HOMES, FORCE EVERYONE TO PUT ON RAW By Justin Henry Stamford, CT – After the October 1 edition of Monday Night Raw scored an abysmal 2.5 rating, especially compared to Monday Night Football’s 6.8, things have gotten tense at Titan Tower. WWE CEO Continue Reading...
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Headlies: DANNY DAVIS, DAVE HEBNER DISAGREE ON TOUCHDOWN IN PACKERS-SEAHAWKS GAME

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:14
Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here DANNY DAVIS, DAVE HEBNER DISAGREE ON TOUCHDOWN IN PACKERS-SEAHAWKS GAME By RD Reynolds Seattle, WA – The Seahawks defeated the Packers on Monday Night Football, 14-12, but the game will be remembered for its controversial ending in which replacement referee Danny Davis awarded a touchdown on a last-ditch pass Continue Reading...
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Headlies: SHEAMUS, ALBERTO DEL RIO WILL END 31-YEAR FEUD THIS SUNDAY

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:13
Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here SHEAMUS, ALBERTO DEL RIO WILL END 31-YEAR FEUD THIS SUNDAY By RD Reynolds Boston – After beginning their World Heavyweight Championship feud in the fall of 1981, champion Sheamus and forever-challenger Alberto Del Rio will settle the score at Night of Champions this Sunday in Beantown. Although WWE customarily Continue Reading...
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Headlies: MAN WHO “ALMOST NEVER” WATCHES WWE OVERJOYED FOOTBALL SEASON IS STARTING

1 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:11
Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here MAN WHO “ALMOST NEVER” WATCHES WWE OVERJOYED FOOTBALL SEASON IS STARTING By RD Reynolds Knoxville, TN – The end of summer has long been viewed by WWE with considerable sadness, as the return of the NFL and the long-standing Monday Night Football inevitably takes a bite out of Raw’s Continue Reading...
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Headlies: NEXT WWE TAG TEAM TO EXPERIENCE UNNECESSARY SPLIT WILL BE DETERMINED BY RANDOM DRAW

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:10
Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here NEXT WWE TAG TEAM TO EXPERIENCE UNNECESSARY SPLIT WILL BE DETERMINED BY RANDOM DRAW By Justin Henry Stamford, CT – With four tag teams receiving regular gasps of air time in World Wrestling Entertainment these days (Kofi Kingston/R-Truth, The Prime Time Players, Epico and Primo, and The Usos), many Continue Reading...
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Headlies: AW WENT “TOO FAR” SAYS WWE AMBASSADOR CHARLIE SHEEN

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:09
Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here AW WENT “TOO FAR” SAYS WWE AMBASSADOR CHARLIE SHEEN By Justin Henry Los Angeles – Star of television and film Charlie Sheen recently signed on with World Wrestling Entertainment to serve as the company’s “social media ambassador”, and has wasted no time in lauding his new employer for their Continue Reading...
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Headlies: SOMEONE’S HAGGARD, DECREPIT GRANDPA SAYS MEAN THINGS ABOUT EDDIE GUERRERO

1 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:08
Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here SOMEONE’S HAGGARD, DECREPIT GRANDPA SAYS MEAN THINGS ABOUT EDDIE GUERRERO By Justin Henry Ponce Inlet, FL – An elderly, crippled, and mostly useless resident of Lush Meadows Nursing Home has gone on a controversial tangent about deceased professional wrestler Eddie Guerrero. The gentleman, identified only as “Kevin”, has been Continue Reading...
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Headlies: STIFLED CM PUNK TELLS FANS HE WANTS TO START SEEING OTHER FANS

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:07
Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here STIFLED CM PUNK TELLS FANS HE WANTS TO START SEEING OTHER FANS By Justin Henry Chicago – WWE Champion CM Punk has undergone many changes over the past year. Since his ascent to the top of World Wrestling Entertainment, in the process becoming WWE Champion for a sustained period Continue Reading...
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Headlies: TNA’S FORTUNES TURN WITH BOARDROOM SUGGESTION: “HEY, WHAT IF WE PUT ON A GOOD PRODUCT?”

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:06
Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here TNA’S FORTUNES TURN WITH BOARDROOM SUGGESTION: “HEY, WHAT IF WE PUT ON A GOOD PRODUCT?” By Justin Henry Orlando, FL – After several years of being almost universally regarded as “a poor man’s WWE” and “a lousy excuse for a wrestling product that borders on aesthetically abusive”, Total Non-Stop Continue Reading...
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Headlies: LISTENER “ALMOST CERTAIN” THAT RD REYNOLDS AND BLADE BRAXTON VOICED OTHER WRESTLECRAP RADIO CHARACTERS

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:04
Text by Justin Henry and RD Reynolds; RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here LISTENER “ALMOST CERTAIN” THAT RD REYNOLDS AND BLADE BRAXTON VOICED OTHER WRESTLECRAP RADIO CHARACTERS By RD Reynolds Indianapolis, IN – With the world in tears as the legendary WrestleCrap Radio posts its final show this weekend, one of the twelve listeners has made a wild accusation, claiming the characters on Continue Reading...
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Headlies: SOON TO BE UNEMPLOYED, DIVORCED MAN STILL LAUGHING ABOUT GOAT FACE COMMENT

1 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:03
Text by Justin Henry and RD Reynolds; RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here SOON TO BE UNEMPLOYED, DIVORCED MAN STILL LAUGHING ABOUT GOAT FACE COMMENT By Justin Henry Springfield, IL – Todd Haney was a man who seemingly had it all. A good job, a beautiful wife, and the respect and admiration of his neighbors. But all that changed on June 11, as Continue Reading...
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Headlies: DOLPH ZIGGLER TO RELEASE EXERCISE VIDEO CONSISTING OF AWKWARDLY PAINFUL FALLS

1 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:02
Text by Justin Henry and RD Reynolds; RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here DOLPH ZIGGLER TO RELEASE EXERCISE VIDEO CONSISTING OF AWKWARDLY PAINFUL FALLS By Justin Henry Hollywood, FL – Hoping to become the next crossover star out of World Wrestling Entertainment, upstart Dolph Ziggler is in the process of marketing an exercise video to fans worldwide. The 31-year-old breakout star is very Continue Reading...
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Headlies: POLL: 78% OF AMERICA’S CHILDREN WON’T ALLOW THEIR PARENTS TO WATCH WWE

7 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:01
Text by Justin Henry and RD Reynolds; RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here POLL: 78% OF AMERICA’S CHILDREN WON’T ALLOW THEIR PARENTS TO WATCH WWE By Justin Henry Loudonville, NY – The Siena Research Institute recently conducted a survey of more than 12,000 American children between the ages of 9 and 14, regarding WWE programming, and whether or not they find it safe Continue Reading...
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Headlies: SIR MO AWAITS PHONE CALL FROM TNA, “THRILLED” ABOUT ELEVATION TO KING

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 12:59
Text by Justin Henry, RD Reynolds, and Sean Carless; Photoshoppery by Sean Carless and RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here; Check out Sean on Facebook here and his website here SIR MO AWAITS PHONE CALL FROM TNA, “THRILLED” ABOUT ELEVATION TO KING By RD Reynolds Westminster, SC – Dixie Carter and Impact Wrestling stunned the sports entertainment world today by announcing the signing of King Mo, the first-ever Continue Reading...
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Headlies: ERIC BISCHOFF TOUTS TNA’S RATINGS VICTORIES OVER UHF STATION IN IDAHO AS “PROOF OF TNA’S DOMINANCE”

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 12:58
Text by Justin Henry, RD Reynolds, and Sean Carless; Photoshoppery by Sean Carless and RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here; Check out Sean on Facebook here and his website here ERIC BISCHOFF TOUTS TNA’S RATINGS VICTORIES OVER UHF STATION IN IDAHO AS “PROOF OF TNA’S DOMINANCE” By Justin Henry Orlando, FL – TNA Impact Wrestling rarely scores a Nielsen rating above 1.2 these days, but that hasn’t Continue Reading...
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Headlies: BROCK LESNAR REDISCOVERED PASSION FOR PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING AFTER GETTING ASS HANDED TO HIM IN LAST UFC FIGHT

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 12:57
Text by Justin Henry, RD Reynolds, and Sean Carless; Photoshoppery by Sean Carless and RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here; Check out Sean on Facebook here and his website here BROCK LESNAR REDISCOVERED PASSION FOR PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING AFTER GETTING ASS HANDED TO HIM IN LAST UFC FIGHT By Justin Henry Webster, SD – Shockwaves are still being felt throughout the wrestling business, after Brock Lesnar’s electrifying return Continue Reading...
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