Category Archives: Headlies

The latest pro graps newz you won’t get anywhere else. Because it probably isn’t true. Probably.

HEADLIES — Conquistadors Continue Not Living Up to Their Name

8 Submitted by on Sat, 17 August 2013, 09:00
June 20th, 2013, Dumpwater, FL – WCNewz was on hand last night for an Indy Event, where the Tag Team known as Los Conquistadors continued not living up to their name. For more than a quarter of a century, multiple wrestlers have worn the gold bodysuit/mask combo, wrestling in losing efforts in Japan, New Zealand, Mexico, the US and other Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Brooke Hogan Excited To Start Doing Whatever It Is She Actually Does

12 Submitted by on Sat, 17 August 2013, 08:30
Tampa Bay, FL – Following the news of her firing, TNA Knockouts Executive Brooke Hogan has stated that she is looking forward to her future projects. In a press conference, Hogan, real name Brooke Ellen Bollea, said, “This chapter in my life is closing, but I am looking forward to the next one. I have been blessed with a wildly Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Local Man Didn’t Realize How Much He Cared About Darren Young Until He Came Out

24 Submitted by on Thu, 15 August 2013, 13:57
  Glendale, AZ – After WWE superstar Darren Young admitted his homosexuality on Thursday, an outpouring of support has manifested, from fans and WWE personnel alike. Longtime fan Tom Bogerton, 32, of Delmore Street, was never particularly a fan of Young, or Young’s tag team, the Prime Time Players, until the stirring announcement. “I always just ignored his team, because Continue Reading...
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Headlies: WWE Partners With Ancestry.com For New Website

12 Submitted by on Mon, 12 August 2013, 14:00
Provo, Utah – World Wresting Entertainment is proud to announce that have have partnered with Ancestry.com, the world’s largest for-profit genealogy company in world. “We here at WWE are absolutely thrilled to work with a company like Ancestry.com,” said Stephanie McMahon. “They are a well-established and respectable company. Plus their commercials are so cute and clever. The WWE Universe loves Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Bo Dallas Is Standing Right Behind You

16 Submitted by on Mon, 05 August 2013, 09:00
Seriously, Right Behind You – Ok, don’t look, but NXT champion Bo Dallas is standing right behind you. Yeah, I have no idea why, but he’s like right there. No, he’s not doing anything, he’s just kind of standing there and staring. And breathing really hard. Ugh, this is so weird and creepy. Maybe if we ignore him, he’ll go Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Bad Influence Live Up To Their Name, Corrupt Innocent TNA Talent

15 Submitted by on Sat, 27 July 2013, 09:00
Nashville, TN – The TNA tag team known as Bad Influence, consisting of Kazarian and Christopher Daniels, have been living up to their namesake and causing problems in the locker room. Though the two had been wrestling for several years in the company, it wasn’t until they officially joined forces that their habits and attitude started affecting others. “Kazarian and Continue Reading...
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Fan Wants TNA to Die Just Because He Likes Seeing Wrestlers Lose Their Jobs

15 Submitted by on Tue, 23 July 2013, 22:10
  Grand Rapids, MI – 27-year-old Sean Brethern was only fifteen when World Championship Wrestling went out of business, but he remembers it fondly. Now, the cart-retriever at Sam’s Club is hoping the same thing happens to Total Nonstop Action. “I have no idea why, but the idea of wrestlers losing their jobs excites my groin in ways that are Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Velvet McIntyre Reunites With Her Long-Lost Son Drew

10 Submitted by on Mon, 22 July 2013, 08:00
Vancouver, Canada – In a tearful reunion, former WWF female wrestler Velvet McIntyre reunited with her long-lost son, current WWE Superstar Drew McIntyre. Velvet is best known for wrestling barefoot (despite not being Samoan) and executing high-flying maneuvers in the WWF during the early 80′s. During a 1984 tour of Scotland with the WWF, Velvet had a brief affair with Continue Reading...
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HEADLIES: Man Will “Never Forget” Reading About Chris Sabin’s World Title Win on Website

9 Submitted by on Fri, 19 July 2013, 13:28
  Altoona, PA – After a decade as a TNA superstar, Chris Sabin crowned his decorated run with a shocking upset win over Bully Ray to become TNA World Heavyweight Champion Thursday night. 26-year-old fan Cory Bockner will never forget the moment for as long as he lives. “I had just clicked onto a wrestling website that I frequent, and Continue Reading...
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HEADLIES: Nitpicking Content of Wrestling Website Provides Local Man Distraction from Failed Blogging Career

0 Submitted by on Tue, 16 July 2013, 17:24
  Brooklyn, NY – Failed wrestling TV show reviewer Merv Studders is quite proud of his streak-extending thirty-fifth straight day of telling the staff at AllWorldWrestling.com how they could be doing better. The 32-year-old hack, who hasn’t updated his LiveJournal account in nearly seven years, is putting his limited written talents to use on the site’s comment boards, where he Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Sin Cara Injured During The Money In The Bank Match

16 Submitted by on Tue, 16 July 2013, 08:00
Philadelphia, PA – WWE high-flyer Sin Cara was injured on Sunday night during the first Money In The Bank ladder match despite not actually participating or even being near the ring. Early on during the epic battle for a briefcase containing a contract for a championship match, Sin Cara decided to make himself some microwave popcorn in a green room Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Evan Bourne Getting In Shape For His Return

9 Submitted by on Thu, 11 July 2013, 08:00
St. Louis, MO – WWE Superstar Evan Bourne has started a new training regime to prepare himself for his in-ring return following a horrific foot injury from over a year ago. “That injury was a blessing in disguise. It really gave me time to enjoy some of the finer things in life,” said a noticeably heftier Bourne. “I couldn’t really Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Little Girl Asks Her Father “Where Does Brad Maddox Come From?”

14 Submitted by on Thu, 04 July 2013, 08:30
Fall River, MA – 6 year-old wrestling fan Suzy Cabral was being tucked into her bed by her father Carlos when she asked him a very important life question. “Daddy, where does Brad Maddox come from?” asked Suzy. Carlos cringed at the question that every father hopes never to have to answer. He never thought the day would come when Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Rob Van Dam To Challenge Ryback For Airbrushed Tights

13 Submitted by on Tue, 25 June 2013, 09:00
North Charleston, NC – Returning Superstar Rob Van Dam issued a challenge to Ryback this past Monday Night on Raw that has sent shockwaves throughout the WWE Universe. “Duder, you can’t be running around in those sweet tights,” said an incredibly laid-back Van Dam. “You’re ganking my style and that is not cool, man. There’s only room for one guy Continue Reading...
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Headlies: CM Punk To Undergo “Adamantium Skeleton” Procedure

12 Submitted by on Fri, 21 June 2013, 12:00
Chicago, IL – In preparation for his match with Brock Lesnar, WWE wrestler CM Punk will be undergoing an experimental procedure to bond the unbreakable metal alloy Adamantium with his entire skeletal structure. Sporting extra large sideburns, CM Punk said, “Lesnar was a UFC champion, he broke Triple H’s arm, and he even endured the pain of being on a Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Triple H Excited To Completely Ruin Bray Wyatt

17 Submitted by on Tue, 18 June 2013, 10:00
Greenwich, CT – WWE Superstar and COO Triple H has been awake for hours, unable to sleep due to his excitement over totally ruining up-and-coming wrestler Bray Wyatt. Bray Wyatt and the Wyatt Family have been appearing in vignettes for the past few weeks on WWE television to rave reviews from fans and those in the business. Seeing the positive Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Teddy Long Makes Breakfast

12 Submitted by on Thu, 13 June 2013, 10:00
Houston, TX – Early Saturday morning, WWE Smackdown Senior Advisor Teddy Long decided to make himself a hearty breakfast featuring a wide variety of foods. A velvet robe-clad Long entered the kitchen and began taking pots, pans, bowls, and various kitchen utensils out of the cabinets. While he normally settles on something quick and easy for breakfast, Long decided to Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Damien Sandow Challenges Sheamus To A Game of Jenga

12 Submitted by on Fri, 07 June 2013, 12:30
Long Island, NY – WWE Smackdown, Damien Sandow, the intellectual savior of the masses, continued his literal mind games with Sheamus. Over the past few weeks, Sandow has been engaging the Celtic Warrior in a series of brain teasers and puzzles. During an in-ring segment in which he was joined by a large, covered object, Sandow revealed his latest challenge. Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Fan Remembers It’s Thursday, Still Doesn’t Watch TNA

12 Submitted by on Fri, 31 May 2013, 10:30
Pittsburgh, PA – At 9:18 pm yesterday, lifetime wrestling fan Robert Turcotte suddenly remembered that it was in fact Thursday night and that TNA Impact Wrestling was airing at that very moment. Despite his realization, Turcotte still managed to not watch the program. “I love wrestling. Always have, always will,” said the 33 year old Data Entry Specialist. “Whenever I Continue Reading...
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Headlies: RVD Utterly Confused By His Appearance On Raw

8 Submitted by on Mon, 27 May 2013, 07:00
Los Angeles, CA – Former WWE and TNA Superstar Rob Van Dam was utterly confused while watching the Paul Heyman segment on Monday Night Raw last week. When Paul Heyman revealed his newest client was the son of Mr. Perfect, Curt Axel, RVD stared at his television for several minutes in confused silence. After several years wrestling in TNA, many Continue Reading...
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Headlies: JTG Hiding From WWE Officials To Avoid Being Future Endeavored

15 Submitted by on Tue, 21 May 2013, 09:00
Kansas City, MO – Current WWE Superstar JTG has spent the past few days avoiding several WWE officials in an effort to keep his job with the company. Once one-half of the tag-team Cryme Tyme, the seldom-used wrestler has managed to stay on the company payroll despite lacking any sort of push or character growth. This past Friday saw several Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Konnan Set To Become The Newest Judge On American Idol

4 Submitted by on Wed, 15 May 2013, 10:00
San Diego, CA – Following the departure of longtime judge Randy Jackson, FOX and 19 Entertainment are proud to announce the addition of former WWE, WCW, TNA, and AAA wrestler Konnan to the judge’s table. The announcement came as a surprise to some in the pop culture world, but host Ryan Seacrest explained how Konnan fits in with the American Continue Reading...
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Headlies: “Ryback Rules” Explained

11 Submitted by on Sun, 12 May 2013, 14:53
  We’ve been hearing Ryback say it for weeks, but nobody has had the time or determination to hash out exactly what “Ryback Rules” really are. Fear not, for we have compiled the five most important. 1. Ryback is allowed to look like Kermit the Frog (see lack of, neck). 2. Ryback is allowed to skip dentist appointments (and does…alot). Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Sin Cara Literally Caught Up In The Lights

9 Submitted by on Fri, 10 May 2013, 10:00
Shreveport, LA – During a house show at the Hirsch Memorial Coliseum, WWE Superstar Sin Cara performed a high risk maneuver that saw him literally get caught up in the lights of the arena. The incident occurred about halfway through the show in match between Sin Cara and Drew McIntyre. Everything was going according to plan when Sin Cara attempted Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Batista Set To Debut In Elementary School Play

15 Submitted by on Tue, 07 May 2013, 10:00
Washington, DC – After a brief Mixed Martial Arts career and various minor movie roles, former WWE Superstar Dave Batista has decided to try his hand at stage acting. Rather than trying for Broadway, Batista will be enrolling in Mrs. Mullin’s third grade class at Janney Elementary school in Washington, DC. “After conquering the world of MMA with an undefeated Continue Reading...
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Headlies: WWE Forces Jerry Lawler to Shill For The Heart Attack Grill

20 Submitted by on Thu, 02 May 2013, 10:00
Las Vegas, NV – During a meeting of top WWE officials, Vince McMahon announced a new partnership with the Heart Attack Grill fast food restaurant. He also plans to have WWE Hall of Famer Jerry “The King” Lawler as their official spokesman. “It’s all about synergy!” said Vince McMahon. “Nothing says “Wrestling Entertainment” like fast food. Over the past few Continue Reading...
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Headlies: WWE Defends “Be A Star” Program After Bully Busick Matches Surface On Youtube

10 Submitted by on Mon, 29 April 2013, 10:00
Weirton, WV – WWE’s anti-bullying campaign program “Be A Star” has come under fire recently after videos on Youtube have surfaced showing that they once employed a wrestler by the name of “Big Bully Busick”. Decked out in a derby hat, cigar, and bushy handlebar mustache, Busick entered the World Wrestling Federation under the tutelage of manager Harvey Wippleman. Several Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Artist Jill Thompson Tired Of Making ‘Cool’ Designs For Wrestlers

1 Submitted by on Thu, 25 April 2013, 11:00
Chicago, IL- Artist Jill Thompson, who has designed ring gear and attire for both WWE Superstars Daniel Bryan and CM Punk, has stated that she no longer wants to make “cool” designs for professional wrestlers, Thompson, who is most famous for her work in the comics The Sandman, Wonder Woman, Swamp Thing, and her own series Scary Godmother, has grown Continue Reading...
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Headlies: WWE To Produce “Buddy Cop” Movie Starring CM Punk And Mark Henry

18 Submitted by on Tue, 23 April 2013, 10:00
Stamford, CT – During a meeting at Titan Towers, WWE CEO Vince McMahon announced plans to release a new movie under through WWE Studios that will turn the failing studio around. “I’ve got a great new idea for our next movie,” barked Mr. McMahon. “I watched a new movie called ‘Lethal Weapon’ last night on laser disc and thought it Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Ryback’s Insatiable Appetite Forces A Golden Corral Buffet To Close

17 Submitted by on Fri, 19 April 2013, 10:01
  Spartansburg, SC – Following his biting promo on this week’s Monday Night RAW in Greenville, South Carolina, WWE Superstar Ryback had a celebratory meal at a Golden Corral. Unfortunately for the restaurant, Ryback’s chant of “Feed me more!” proved disastrous to their bottom line, forcing them to close. “We were so excited to have a real celebratory eating dinner Continue Reading...
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