Category Archives: Headlies

The latest pro graps newz you won’t get anywhere else. Because it probably isn’t true. Probably.

Headlies: Randy Orton Sponsored By Nyquil

6 Submitted by on Tue, 05 March 2013, 10:15
  Stamford, CT – World Wrestling Entertainment and multinational consumer goods company Procter & Gamble are proud to announce a new deal between the two companies. Unlike previous joint business deals between the two companies, this latest partnership will see superstar Randy Orton sponsored by the over-the-counter medication NyQuil. Orton, a former 6 time WWE Championship holder and star of Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Prisoners of Cobb County, GA Jail Fear Big Boss Man’s Ghost

6 Submitted by on Tue, 26 February 2013, 10:00
Since September of 2004, prisoners in the Cobb County, Georgia Jail have had a difficult time eating, sleeping & serving their hard time. Though the guards disagree over why, the prisoners are quite sure as to the cause of their collective insomnia & other troubles: a spectre they have dubbed The Big Boss Man’s Ghost. “He still makes you walk Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Exclusive WCNewz Report: Jerry Lawler in Your Daughter’s Closet

1 Submitted by on Sat, 23 February 2013, 09:00
  Memphis, TN – Jerry “The King” Lawler – long-known for his affection toward younger women & their “sweater puppies” – is in your teenage daughter’s closet. “Sshhh!” Jerry shushed our reporter while hunkering down inside 18-year-old Cyndi Myers walk-in closet. “I think she’s about to do it!” Lawler whispered into his unconnected mouthpiece, referring to an undressing that never Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Curry Man Revealed As The Leader Of Aces & Eights

9 Submitted by on Fri, 22 February 2013, 09:00
  Orlando, FL – After months of speculation, the leader of the masked group known as Aces & Eights has been revealed to be none other than former TNA wrestler, Curry Man. Believed to have been released from TNA years ago, Curry Man has quietly been amassing the powerful group stable for some time. Following the 5-star classic “Fish Market Continue Reading...
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Headlies: Alex Riley Turns Heel, Repackaged as Evil Pimp from Pat Benatar’s “Love is a Battlefield” Video

3 Submitted by on Thu, 21 February 2013, 21:59
  Stamford, CT – Following a several month absence from WWE television, Alex Riley returned at tonight’s Smackdown tapings, defeating Zack Ryder via pinfall.  However, the old happy go lucky Riley was gone, replaced by a heel few fans recognized. Unless they watched a lot of MTV in the 1980′s, in which case they’d readily recognize his new persona: that Continue Reading...
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Headlies: One Man Gang Takes on Eight Man Gang, Loses

1 Submitted by on Thu, 21 February 2013, 10:00
  George Gray, known to wrestling fans world wide as The One Man Gang, is in critical condition tonight at a Chicago hospital following a gangland style beating.   Nurse Betty Jones, who spoke with us on the condition of anonymity, told our reporter: “I don’t know what would make One Man, regardless of his size, think he could take on Continue Reading...
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Headlies: S.D. Jones is Outside, Trying to Make a Special Delivery

2 Submitted by on Tue, 19 February 2013, 09:00
  Topeka, KS – WCNewz has learned that “Special Delivery” Jones is outside someone’s door right now with a Special Delivery. “I’m from WHS (We Haul Stuff) Delivery Services,” Mr. Jones said loudly, knocking on the wooden shack’s cork-board door. “SD” – well-known for a 9-second loss at the inaugural Wrestlemania against King Kong Bundy – was once a popular Continue Reading...
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Headlies: King Kong Bundy Finally Admits to Killing Midget at WM3

2 Submitted by on Sat, 16 February 2013, 12:00
  King Kong Bundy has finally ended over 25 years of speculation in an exclusive WCNewz interview, stating emphatically that he is responsible for killing midget-wrestler Little Beaver via bodyslam, followed by a “big elbow” in 1987. Bundy (known as a “walking condominium”) told our reporter: “Yeah. He died of emphysema in 1995. ‘Cause I squished the air right out of Continue Reading...
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