...No doubt reading item above, you’re likely thinking, “That Triple H…he’s a real lady’s man.” We laugh at such nonsense. Laugh laugh laugh, like the fools we are. For you see, when we think of Triple H, and his Degeneration X partner, Shawn Michaels, we think of other things. Stuff like ass shots, improper male touching, and boatloads of overall homoerotic behavior, enough to fill up a DVD and offer it up for rental in the gay section at your local adult entertainment establishment. They may have tried to fool us with that BJ skit, but we know the truth. And now you will too, with The Eight Things That Prove D-X Is Really, Really Gay:

8. Michael Cole, Wedgie Boy: Sometimes, you just have to feel sorry for Michael Cole. A loyal WWE employee for over a decade, he was been forced to live in the shadows as the number two play-by-play man behind Jim Ross, and even for a brief time, Joey Styles. By the time he’s ready to take over the lead announcing duties on the WWE’s flagship show, Raw will probably be cancelled by the USA Network that same week. You might say metaphorically, his ass just never seems to catch a break. If you said that phrase literally, you’d be correct too. Long before Heidenreich had his fun with Cole’s Hershey highway, D-X broke Cole’s anal cherry by giving him the mother of all wedgies. And, of course, there’s only one thing more enjoyable than having Trips stick his hand in your ass crack, that being…

7. Fun With Shawn In The Shower: At the In Your House:Degeneration X pay-per-view, Michael Cole was once again attempting to be a respectable journalist and conduct an interview with DX. For their part as fun-loving heels, Triple H, Rick Rude, and Chyna all took turns ripping off Cole’s suit and undershirt, before throwing him into the shower where Shawn Micheals was waiting for him, clad only in a towel. Wrestling hijinx? Sounds more like a gay prison-rape scene to us. Cole’s first boy on boy action concluded with him getting sprayed with a big, wet explosion erupting from Shawn’s long shaft…the shaft of his shower head, that is. Geez, what is it with you guys and your dirty minds?

6. HBK to Jim Ross, “Suck It!”…Literally: Back in the early days of D-X, Shawn and company really went out of their way to shock and offend viewers. Bret Hart would often get agitated by their antics, such as during an interview with Michaels conducted by Jim Ross on an episode of Monday Night Raw. Shawn, coming to the ring clad only in his boxer shorts, had what appeared to be a sock or a very ripe banana stuffed in his pants, and proceeded to spend the next five minutes doing everything in his power to shove his overly meaty crotchy right in Ross’ face. Despite all the pointing to his package, and numerous Michael Jordan-style jumps in the air to put his schlong square in front of Ross’ mouth, HBK was unsuccessful at receiving any Okie fellatio that evening. Not to sound insensitive, but we’ve kind of always wondered if Jim Ross really suffered from Bell’s Palsey, or if his jaw just got stuck in an awkward position from clamping down too hard to be sure his mouth was bulletproof from Shawn’s love gun.

5. Merry X-M(ass): It was the winter of 1997. Christmas time. A time to show that it’s better to give, than it is to receive. A time of heartfelt joy. A time to see Shawn Michaels and Triple H strip off their boxers in the center of the ring, wearing nothing but thongs styled after red Christmas stockings, and having the words, Merry X-Mas painted on their buns?!? Had Jimmy Stewart been alive to witness these shenanigans no doubt he would have loudly proclaimed, “It’s A Horrible Life!”

4. D-X proudly present…Midget Ass: What could be gayer than Shawn and Hunter showing a little holiday brown-eye? How about the added exposure of five additional ass cheeks? During their feud with the male cheerleading Spirit Squad, D-X decided for a goof they would bring out five midgets to do a parody of their pep squad rivals. And like far too many DX skits, it wasn’t long before brownholes were exposed. With all this gayiety, we’re surprised that Trips didn’t rename himself “Mr. Ass.” Oh wait…

3. Billy Gunn, Mr. Ass: Following his arrival in DX, Billy Gunn decided to start calling himself Mr. Ass. Read that outloud, and let that verbiage hang in the air for a second: he called himself MISTER ASS. Not only that, Mr. Ass, likely known as simply “Ass” to his friends, entered the ring to the loud beat of a theme song entitled I’m An Assman. While the singer sang such tasteful lyrics like, I love to stick ‘em, I love to pick ‘em, I’m an Assman, Billy would ever so gingerly pull his tights down, revealing his thong to the audience comprised of 85% men. Or maybe he was just showing his fanny to his partner, one Road Dogg Jesse James. After all…

2. Road Dogg Lkes It Doggystyle: So when you are a man named Mr. Ass, what do you look for in a tag-team partner? Similar looks? Similar ring style? Surely you wouldn’t pick a guy who dry humps another man in the center of the ring, would you? Sorry kids, but we’re too far down this list for the topics to go anywhere but waaaaaaay off the decency path. For one of his most famous moves, the Road Dogg Jesse James’ Doggystyle Pump Handle Slam, the Dogg would position himself behind his unlucky opponent, and proceed to engage in an act of dry fudge-packin’ prior to hoisting his opponent up and down to the mat. No word if it was the force of the slam, or a raw asshole, that rendered Road Dogg’s opponents unable to kick out of the pin attempt.

1. Bondage and spray paint fun with the Coach: Still not convinced? Still need more proof? Consider this: when D-X made their comeback in 2006, it was thought that this version of the group might be slightly kinder and hopefully less homoerotic. Fat chance, as poor Jonathan Coachman could tell you. Coach, following an altercation with DX, would soon enough find himself tied to a couch, hands above his head, pants pulled down. For the grand finale, the poor guy would have his buttocks branded by HBK and Triple H, who used green spray paint to write D-X on their poor victim’s ass. Sigh, with all this talk of stripping, ass shots, nude showers, and doggystyle dry-humping, for a second we thought we were freelancing for Penthouse Magazine.

A very gay Penthouse Magazine.

Ick. Time to wash our hands, kids, and return you to your relatively filth-free Wrestlecrap: The Book Of Lists.

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