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You want all the inductions? Getchya an Archive Disc!
Late 2010 - Present
Inductions (all others below):
Chris Jericho and Lucy the Dog: Remember all those times when Triple H talked about his dog that he loved so much? Yeah, no one else does either, but it sure was a good way to bury Chris Jericho six feet under heading into their WrestleMania main event!
Teddy Long vs. Eric Bischoff: Years before we got a battle of GMs featuring John Laurinaitis and Teddy Long, we got Long versus Eric Bischoff. It was horrible. Why someone thought we needed to revisit this, I have no idea.
Brakkus: For months we got vignettes promising us the debut of Brakkus, a giant jacked up German. He then wrestled, oh, 2-3 matches, and we said Auf Weidersehen to him.
All Things Michael Cole: Your 2011 Gooker Award winner: 365 days of horrible announcing, matches, and just flat out stupidity, all courtesy of one man. Was him "winning" ever in question?
All Things Michael Cole: Your 2011 Gooker Award winner: 365 days of horrible announcing, matches, and just flat out stupidity, all courtesy of one man. Was him "winning" ever in question?
Christmas Comes to Pac-Land: The 2011 Non-Wrestling Christmas induction. Look, I love Pac-Man. I love Christmas. Yet when the two come together, it's terrible. Life can be like that sometimes, unfortunately.
Santa's Workshop Knockout Street Fight: RD's rule of thumb: if a match has five different words in its title, it's probably bad. If it has a bunch of TNA chicks in it with a giant wooden toy box, that kinda sorta cements the deal.
Biggest Smallest Strangest Strongest Saturday Night's Main Event: Can't believe they left CRAPPIEST out of the descriptors of this pile of garbage, arguably the worst SNME ever.
Knucklehead: WWE Studios presents Big Show as a weirdo who's never left the orphanage in 35 years. Now he's going into MMA. My brain hurts just writing that, and I wrote like 10 billion words on it. Maybe I'm the real knucklehead.
Christy Hemme vs. the Big Fat Oily Guy: It's a tuxedo match featuring a clone of WWE's Big Dick Johnson. Do I really need to waste any more characters on this?
Shaniqua: A dominatrix who can't wrestle. Or manage. I bet she needs to douche her nasty ass, though.
Tekno Team 2000: If Erik Watts could master the art of time travel, could he be entertaining? Or more importantly, could he learn how to do a dropkick? What do you think?
Is Big Show Smarter than a 5th Grader?: That'st he question. Considering he needs to cheat off a little kid on the second question, I'm not holding out much hope.
Chris Jericho and the Planet of the Apes: Y2J, Nipple H, and guys in monkey suits. All this and no poop being flung. Blasphemy!
Halftime Heat: How do you ruin a Mick Foley vs. Rock match? It's easy! Just add Vince on commentary explaining how the WWF is a combination of a soap opera, a cartoon, and about 7,000 other things that it's nothing like. Oh, and script the stupidest finish ever. Yep, easy!
TNA's Last Rites Match: Sting vs. Abyss with caskets that go up and down to the ceiling, paper mache tombstones, and candleabras. How dare those fans chant "Fire Russo!"
Man Mountain Rock: How could we possible induct a head banging wildman with a real life, honest-to-goodness WWF logo guitar? Yeah, I don't know either, dude.
Super Mario Super Show Starring Captain Lou Albano: It's Captain Lou as Mario who is searching for Captain Lou. Please note, there are no typos in that sentence.
TNA's Lock Box Challenge: Remember how hot Daffney was as the goth queen? Now imagine her stripping for your enjoyment. Now imagine it being terrible. Eh, it was on Impact, what did you expect?
Georgia: George Steele in drag. Actually, George Steele in drag as a punk rocker. Or something. Whatever it was, it seemed to arouse one Lord Alfred Hayes. Bothersome.
Drew Carey: Vince and his cronies felt this Price is Right host was worthy of induction. Oddly enough, so did we!
The Abraham Washington Show: Somewhere, I bet Tony Atlas is still laughing. Shame no one else is.
The WWF's Country Boys: Fantastically horrible WWF Coliseum home video from like 1986. So horrible that RD rented it approximately 38 weeks in a row. And you kids complain about how there's no good wrestling to watch now.
The Chaperone (Special Preview): F4WOnline Board Member Bone Machine gives us a special look at what he THINKS Triple H's new movie is going to be about. It's probably not very accurate. I will bet his version is far more entertaining.
The New Monday Night Wars: It was supposed to be a new era in pro wrestling as Impact moved to Monday nights to take on Raw. Instead, it was a one-sided slaughter that led to TNA's first Gooker award. Congrats, Dixie!
Nitro Girls on PPV: Yes, such a thing existed, and yes, all your old friends like Spice, AC Jazz, Kimberly, and Jugs are on display. I don't mean breasts there. I mean the Nitro Girl I called Jugs. Who had large breasts. Which you don't get to see. Why did we pay for this again?
Santa Buddies: It's our annual non-wrestling, all crap Christmas movie! This time we get cute little puppies who are so annoying they'll make you hate Christmas. True dat!
WWF Christmas Party, 2001: Booze, strippers, thongs, and a Kane Guitar solo. Oh, and a MAVEN promo. Sufice to say, we don't get parties like this anymore!
ECW Monster Mash Battle Royal: Kane vs. Mark Henry vs. Great Khali vs. Viscera. How on earth can WWE not make this an annual event?!
Kizarny: He's a carnie who speaks in carnie. And that's pretty much it. Which is apparently enough to bag Stacy Carter. Sorry, King!
Vader Meets World: Because every TGIF comedy needs a mastadon pro wrestler apparently.
TNA Fish Market Street Fight: Our old pal Shark Boy finally hits the Crap, as he and the legendary Curry Man battle Team 3-D with a fishing pole and a giant frozen carp. It's all good - you know we love you, Sharky!
Arli$$ in WCW: Hey, remember Arli$$? No? We don't either. But apparently Eric Bischoff loved the show and brought the lead character to WCW. Still hard to believe that company went under.
Jenna vs. Sharmell: The worst match in the last 10 years, featuring some chick from Survivor showing you her bung hole. Shield your eyes, kids!
Pretty Ricky: To quote Jim Ross: "R-Truth is acting strange." Yes, yes he is.
2008-2010
Inductions (all others below):
1995 WWF Spring Catalog: You thought the WWF put on bad shows back in the mid 90's? Check out the stuff they tried to sell! All that plus Triple Kelly's DOUCH CHILLS!
At Home with Dr. D, David Schultz: Ever wondered where Steve Austin got all his redneck mannerisms from? Look no further! What is this? The city dump?!!
Bischoff vs. McMahon: Remember when Eric Bischoff battled Vince McMahon on WCW PPV in the late 90's? No one else does either, because it never happened. Didn't keep the Bisch from promoting the match, though!
Black Saturday: History lesson time! Vince McMahon actually bought out the prime Saturday night timeslot on WTBS way back in the early 80's...and the audience roundly rejected his product. Probably would have gotten over if it had more Mel Phillips.
WrestleMania VII Blindfold Match: Hotly debated induction in which Jake Roberts and Rick Martel act like they can't see, which causes them to be unable to wrestle as well. If you don't think this is crap, consider this: RD decided to do this match during his indy career. The defense rests.
Braden Walker: Poor Chris Harris. He went from super hot prospect and TNA poster boy to seeing his career vanish in the span of about two weeks. Eh, WWECW will do that to ya!
Cyber City: Roddy Piper vehicle in which he plays a crazy priest. Sadly, he never winds up with a bomb on his genitals ala Hell Comes to Frogtown.
The Dark Side of Hulkamania: Wait a minute...this is where black and white Hulk Hogan was born? THIS? And they still did the nWo? And it was a SUCCESS?!!
The Denver Nuggets Fiasco of 2009: Vince McMahon gets in a pissing match with the owner of the Denver Nuggets over a booked date. Oh, and he does it on air for several weeks, using WWE Superstars. Ehhhhhh...yup.
Donnybrook Theater: A series of skits so horrible that even the WWF wouldn't show them on TV. Try to wrap your brain around THAT.
The Dusty Rhodes-Honky Tonk Man Sing Off: If this induction teaches you just one thing, let it be this: pro wrestling needs more karaoke battles.
The ECW Preacher: An evil preacher who was neither Brother Love nor James Mitchell. Short-lived, but not short enough!
ECW Strip Poker: Beulah, Francine, and Kimona? Hardly. Instead, we get the most boring divas imaginable playing the most boring game of strip poker imaginable. Eh, at least we get Balls Mahoney! Wait, that's a plus?
Latino Seed: Ever wonder how you could not care about seeing Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio? Howsabouts we put Rey's kid on a pole?
Family Matters with the Bushwackers: Urkel versus the Bushwackers. I see no reason to expound upon those four words.
Finkel vs. Whippleman Tuxedo Match: Thrill(??) as Dr. Harvey Whippleman and Howard Finkel attempt to strip each other down to their tighy whiteys.
Fuji General: Don Muraco and Mr. Fuji swoon the lady folk in this awesome soap opera send up. Living proof that we don't hate everything we write about!
The Good Housekeeping Match: There was once a time when Vince McMahon thought it was so crucial to have Chyna pin Jeff Jarrett that he paid $150,000 to see it happen. And yet, somehow this man is a billionaire. Go figure.
The Worst of the Halloween Havoc Costumes: Miss the old Halloween Havoc shows? You do? REALLY?! You won't after reading this induction!
High Energy: Whoever coined the phrase 'time to put your big boy pants on!' as a motivational tool never saw Owen Hart and Koko B. Ware in these getups.
Hillary vs. Obama: If watching 'Hillary' and 'Obama' battle it out in the ring doesn't make you want to run to Canada, I don't know what will.
Jesse Interviews "Prince": The Body interviews fellow Minneapolis legend Prince. Well, not really, because this Prince has WAY more charisma.
A Jobbertastic TNT: Mario Mancini AND Frankie Williams on the same show? License to print money!
Brock Lesnar vs. Bill Goldberg: The dream match that turned into a nightmare. Who wouldathunk it?
Captain Lou vs. the Lie Detector: Too bad they didn't ask Lou if he wrote the worst wrestling book ever. I would have liked to have seen the lie detector burst into flames.
Macho Libre: Not sure what's more shocking: that Vince McMahon still hates Randy Savage, or that he somehow knew there was a movie called "Nacho Libre". Probably the latter. Nah, definitely the latter.
The Maestro: A dude decends from the ceiling while playing a piano. As exciting as it sounds!
Mancow: Pro Wrestler: Has there ever been a DJ who got over in wrestling? EVER?
The Mating Game, Take 2: The Anvil tries to redeem himself on the dating game, only to be confronted by CRAZY EYE LADY. All this plus GEORGE HAMILTON TALK!
Missy's Manor: If you were a heterosexual male in the late 80's, you wanted Missy Hyatt in the WWF. And it actually happened! Except it was so awful that it never aired. Oh well...
The Nasty Boys Go to the Science Center: So you read the words to the left and are expecting a description? REALLY?!
Pinata on a Pole: Luchadores battle for a pinata atop a pole. Gee, who could have booked this?
Roddy Piper vs. Robert Downey vs. Brother Love: VERY controversial induction as we tackle the Roddy Piper-Morton Downey Jr. showdown at WrestleMania V. We could understand people saying this wasn't WrestleCrap, but well...no we can't. This thing sucked balls.
Punjabi Prison: The Great Khali gets his own match! Apparently they were having a clearance sale at Pier One.
Rest in Peace Match: Did you think an Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez match wouldn't end up here? We're nothing if not predictable, you know.
The Rock Comic Book: The Rock may have been the most electrifying man in showbiz, but he sure made for a boring comic book character.
Dennis Rodman, Rapist: The Worm rapes Gorgeous George. Does this sound like a good idea in any way, shape, or form?
Just Another Romantic Wrestling Comedy: We've seen a lot of horrible wrestling movies over the years. And this would be another one, which apparently is romantic. Or something.
Rosie vs. Donald: "Donald Trump" battles "Rosie O'Donnell" in a match so horrid it made us long for the technical classic that was "Hillary" vs. "Obama."
Santa Claus : Revamped, and much larger version of the original non-wrestling Christmas movie induction! Santa! The Devil! LUPITA! LUPITA! LUPITA!
Santina, Miss WrestleMania: Remember that one time Santino Marella WASN'T funny? We do, and this is the induction.
Shelton Benjamin's Mama: Shelton Benjamin's mama was so fat...eh, nah, too easy. So easy it took WWE creative about three weeks to kill this gimmick dead.
San Francisco 49'er Match: Have you ever seen a title match in which you open boxes containing pictures of Scott Hall? You have now!
Spirit Squad: Gimme an "S"! Gimme an "H!" Gimme an "I!" Gimme a...nah, better not!
Rick Steiner Loves Robin Green: If you are ever looking for dating tips, Jim Ross is probably NOT the guy to turn to.
Sting's Moment of Truth: We have nothing against religious movies. Unless they are terrible. Like this one.
Superbrawl Stretcher Match: Sid. El Gigante. Stretcher. Do any of those words go together?
The Marine: John Cena movie in which a bunch of stuff blows up. You know, the one not named "12 Rounds."
A Day in the Life of Tim White: WWE celebrates all its way too young dead wrestlers by having a retired referee continually attempt to kill himself. As funny as it sounds.
Tiny Tim vs. Jerry Lawler: Sadly not a match, unless you consider Jerry Lawler vs. a Ukele a match.
The Eric Young-Traci Brooks-Robert Roode Triangle: TNA's never won a Gooker Award, but they sure came close with this one!
The WWF-WBF Tug of War!: Pro wrestling needs more tug-of-wars. Even if they suck. Like this one.
Vince McMahon vs. God: Somehow I doubt this is what will happen when Vince reaches the pearly gates.
Vinnie Vegas: Kevin Nash rolls the bones...and comes up snake eyes.
The Warrior Battle Goldust: You know what Warrior always needed? A pimp hat!
WWE on The Weakest Link: Featuring Booker T, the World's Dumbest Man!
The WWF Wild Kingdom: We demand that every time WWE goes to Omaha, they reenact these bits.
World War 3 1997: It's a three-ring circus! And we mean that literally - there are three rings, and it's WCW!
You Can't See Me: It's a John Cena rap album. Did you expect it to be good?
Piggy James: Because WWE can't tolerate a size 2 Diva.
Silent Night, Bloody Night: Four simple and very Christmasy words: Barbed. Wire. Christmas. Tree.
The Grinch: The movie that almost drove RD to HATE Christmas!
Small Wonder featuring the Body: A robotic little girl befriends the Body in a show so horrible it would make you long for the witticisms of Learning the Ropes.
The Wedding Gown Match: Stacy Keibler and Daffney battle over David Flair. Yes, that David Flair.
2007-2008
Inductions (all others below):
2007
Action Figures: Want a Johnny Rodz action figure? How about a Brent
Musberger one? We didn't either, but that didn't keep us from writing
about 'em!
Big
Show vs. Akebono: It's Big Show...wearing a thong. Someone thought
this was a good idea. It wasn't us.
Bill
Kazmeier: And you thought the World's Strongest Man was
Ken Patera. Or Mark Henry. Or Ted Arcidi. Or Dino Bravo. Or...
The
Death of Paul Bearer: Concreticide!
December
to Dismember: And um, yeah...here's the death of ECW. The least
they could have done is had Paul Bearer come back and bury Paul
E. in concrete.
Embalming
Fun with Paul Bearer: Lord Alfred's a stiff. And has a stiffy!
Fake
Kane:
Freddy
vs. Jason:
Fuji
Bandito : We honor the Fabulous Moolah the only way we know how...with
an induction!
"Gator"
Scott Hall: It's like if Jerry Reed and Razor Ramon had a kid...a
kid who liked to annoy alligators by poking them repeatedly with
a stick.
The
Great Debate: Wrestling needs more debates, and more specifically,
debates involving Scott Steiner.
Gross
Out Tommy Dreamer: The hardcore icon drinks toilet water, eats floor
dogs, and then goes home and bangs Beulah. What a life.
Hervina:
Harvey Whippleman wins the WWF Women's Title. And no, that's not
a typo.
The
Hogan-Russo Shoot: I don't care how many people email me...this
angle SUCKED.
The
Hog Pen Match: Triple H + Pig Crap?
Illegal
Aliens: Yes, someone thought making a cheap sci-fi movie
starring Anna Nicole Smith and CHYNA was a good idea. It sure as
hell wasn't us.
Instant
Replay Debate: Paul McGuire and George Steinbrenner square off...at
Wrestlemania?!!
Iron
Circle Match: Two guys fighting in the middle of a circle of cars,
and the winner is the one who runs away the fastest. Huh?
Jameson
& the Pumpkin: It's just like "It's the Great Pumpkin,
Charlie Brown", except with a nerd and no Snoopy. So I guess
it's not really like it at all.
Jesse
Interviews "Prince": "The Body" goes one on
one with Minnesota's second biggest celeb, but doesn't ask him about
Under the Cherry Moon. For shame, Jesse. For shame!
A
Jingle With Jillian: Sorry, Bing. No dice, Burl Ives. We've got
a new king of Christmas crooning: Jillian Hall!
The
Ken Patera Story: The sad story of a man so hungry he wound up in
prison.
Kerwin
White: See, it's a Mexican who wants to be white. Except that he's
not Mexican, and is already white. But hey, his music RULZ, so all
is forgiven.
Macho
Man's Bachelor Party: Have you ever been to a bachelor party where
a dude is trying to feed a fish to another fish? Us either.
The
Mexicools: Because all Mexicans ride around on lawn mowers. Well,
at least according to Vinny Mac!
Mordecai:
If Colonel Sanders and Conan the Barbarian had a sword wielding
child, it would be MORDECAI!
Mud
Match: Did you ever think you'd see an induction with the Shiek,
Stacy Keibler, Tylene Buck, and Tiger Jeet Singh? We didn't either.
And we sure didn't think they'd all be rolling around in mud.
Pac-Man
Jones : What do you call a wrestler who doesn't wrestle? Pac-Man
Jones!
Paul
Christy: The greatest man in the history of ever asks the eternal
question: "How many apartment buildings can YOU own?"
"Pirate"
Paul Birchill: If only Vince McMahon knew what Pirates of the Caribbean
was. ~sigh~
Vince's
Son: The 2007 Gooker Winner!
WCW
Superbrawl : This game may have sucked, but rest assured - it's
NOT RICK STEINER'S FAULT!
Will
Sasso : Who would have ever guessed that Alfred E. Newman hated
Bret Hart?
Wrestlemania
Challenge: It's on like Donkey Kong, Brother!
World
of Wrestling Rocks: Never thought I'd hear a worse wrestling CD
than WCW Slam Jam, but here it is.
The
Zombie: The legendary ECW Original hits the Crap!
WWF/WWE
Crap:
"Adorable"
Adrian Adonis: Talented tough guy Adonis gets on Vince's bad side
and is forced to prance about in women's clothing.
Akeem: Chicago tough One Man Gang becomes a black man
in the Slickster's parking lot voodoo ceremony.
Aldo
Montoya: The Portugese Man o' War who, for some unknown reason,
wore a bright yellow jockstrap on his head.
Al
Wilson: Elderly man marries smoking hot Dawn Mrie, whose sole goal
is to lure Torrie Wilson to bed. Then she proceeds to kill the guy
on their honeymoon by sexing him to death. But not before they get
married in the nude. Is there any question why this won the 2003
Gooker Award?
Ted
Arcidi: World' Strongest Man who moved with all the speed of a tectonic
plate.
The
Barbershop: Brutus Beefcake is given a talk show for no good reason
(well, except for that fact that he's Hulk Hogan's best friend).
Rob
Bartlett: Unfunny funny man who did commentary during the early
days of Monday Night Raw.
BattleKat:
Break out the kitty litter for the WWF's wrestling feline.
Battlemania:
WWF comic book featuring Ted DiBiase doing a Scrooge McDuck cannonball
into his vault and Undertaker getting a visit from the neighborhood
Welcome Wagon.
Beaver
Cleavage: A hyper sexual take on the TV classic Leave it To Beaver.
Well, someone thought it was a good idea. (Not me.)
Berserker:
John Nord puts on wacky viking helmet and swings a sword at his
enemies.
Bertha
Faye: Talented woman's grappler Rhonda Singh is stuffed in a pair
of fishnet stockings and becomes the queen of the trailer park.
Big
Show's Dad Dies: The Big Bossman ruins the Big Show's daddy's funeral
by stealing his casket. You can't get much more evil than that.
Bikini
Blast-Off: All the top WWF superstars sunbathe indoor as wrestling
plumber TL Hopper investigates what appears to be a turd at the
bottom of the pool.
Billionaire
Ted Skits: As WCW Nitro began to pull away in the Monday Night Wars,
Vince countered by making fun of TBS owner Ted Turner in a series
of increasingly tasteless skits.
Billy
& Chuck Wedding: Weddings are always big ratings draws - just
imagine how huge a GAY wedding could be!
Buddy
Rose Blowaway Diet: Playboy Buddy Rose loses weight the old fashioned
way: by dumping laundry detergent on himself and turning on a fan.
Blu
Twins: The Harris twins in the third of 713 failed personas.
Bastion
Booger: Mike Shaw is crammed inside a dingy gray singlet and told
to belch, fart, and eat stuff from a garbage can.
Ludvig
Borga: Evil Finn who hated America because of the pollution. Shouldn't
that have made him a babyface?
Big
Bully Busick: Straight out of the 1890's comes Big Bully Busick,
complete with handlebar moustache accessory.
Chaz,
Woman Beater: Getting rid of the Beaver Cleavage character was a
good idea. Doing a domestic violence angle wasn't.
Chyna
and Sable Comic Books: If you thought they were annoying in real
life, just imagine these two egomaniacal bimbos in comic book form.
Cloudy
(or Kloudi): After being dumped by Sunny, the Bodydonnas introduce
their new cross-dressing manager - Cloudy.
Get it?
The
Coach: Former legend John Tolos blows a whistle incessantly to the
annoyance of everyone. Jeez,
they should have just brought in Bill Alfonzo.
Damien
Demento: He's not just crazy, he's demented! But don't feel bad
- these days, he hosts a KID'S SHOW!
Dean
Douglas: Shane Douglas becomes Dr. Noah Tall and experiences the
full wrath of the Clique.
Dink
the Clown: Doink's friendly Mini Me.
Please note that the original evil Doink was an AWESOME character,
and would never be inducted into WrestleCrap, but once he was made
a good guy and given a half-sized clone, it was all over.
Divas
Undressed: You'd think there would be no way to screw up a beauty
contest with WWE's hottest ladies. And you think wrong, as Mae Yong
and Rico crash the party wearing bikinis.
Doink
Survivor Series Curse: Doinks on a Mission, DoinkWackers, and no
less than six midgets take over the Thanksgiving Night Tradition.
Double
J: A controversial induction, but think about it: an aspiring singer
(Jeff Jarrett) is going to use the WWF to take over Nashville. Just
trying to decipher that logic makes my head hurt.
The
Dragon: Ricky Steamboat hits the WWF after countless ****+ matches
in WCW, and the announcers are told to act like they have no idea
who he is. Oh, and he now breathes fire. Whatthehellever.
Duke
"The Dumpster" Droese: Fan friendly garbage man from Mt.
Trashmore. Next!
Thrill Vomit
as WWE exploits one of their greatest performers ever!
El
Matador: Veteran Tito Santana is getting boring, so he is sent to
Mexico to train to fight bulls. This will help him in the wrestling
ring, since the two sports are so similar. Or something.
The
Patterson-Brisco Evening Gown Match: Couldn't these two have done
this in their hotel room instead of on a PPV that people paid to
see?
Fake
Diesel and Razon Ramon: Glen Jacobs and Rick Bogner are given the
unenviable task of duplicating Kevin Nash & Scott Hall's personas.
Farooq
Asad: A pre-APA Ron Simmons wears a powder blue Nerf gladiator helmet
to the ring.
Fatu:
Sadly, I would rather watch Rikishi venture to the hoods warning
kids to stay off of drugs than shove his ass in other guys' faces.
Freddy
Joe Floyd: Tracey Smothers gets his shot at WWF glory as a do-gooding
country bumpkin.
Frenchy
Martin: Evil monocle-wearing French Canadian whose motto was that
"USA is Not OK!"
Friar
Feguson: Mike Shaw's first WWF gimmick was that of a holy water
splashing monk. Sadly, it was better than being a guy that ate his
own snot.
The
Gang Warz: Puerto Ricans, blacks, and white redneck bikers beat
the crap out of each other to the delight of no one.
Gene
Okerlund Wrestles!: Mean
Gene and the Hulkster team up to tangle with Mr. Fuji and George
Steele. That in itself would have been bad enough, but
the quasi-homosexual training sessions were even worse.
The
Genius: Everyone says Vince McMahon is a genius, but the Crappers
know that it's really Lanny Poffo who is the World's Smartest Man.
The
Godwinns: Henry O. Godwinn (HOG) and Phinneaous I. Godwinn (PIG),
evil hog farmers. Shoot me
now.
Giant
Gonzalez: The world's worst wrestler, El Gigante, now designed to
look like Bigfoot.
Gobbeldy
Gooker: The most popular request at WrestleCrap, and with good reason:
a turkey man hatches from an egg that has been carted to WWF events
for months. Quite possibly the worst payoff to an angle
in the history of pro wrestling.
The
Goon: Evil hockey player, complete with boots that are designed
to resemble ice skates.
Hacksaw
Jim Duggan Video: Hacksaw versus Dino Bravo! Hacksaw versus Andre!
It'll be You Versus Brain Damage if you dare watch this tape!
Hawk
Commits Suicide: Road Warrior Hawk becomes a drug addict thanks
to LOD newcomer Puke. Hawk
decides that life just ain't worth living and climbs the Titantron
to throw himself off. Yikes.
HHH
vs. Ultimate Warrior: The match the Game would like you to forget
ended with him getting creamed by the Warrior in under 2 minutes. And people wonder why poor HHH is so protective
of his spot.
Hulk
Hogan's Rock n' Wrestling: Cartoon show starring Hogan, Roddy Piper,
Iron Shiek, and countless other stars of the mid 80's WWF. Proof that anyone could get a cartoon in the mid 80's.
The
InVasion: The war that fans longed for 20 years finally happens,
as WCW invades the WWF - and gets totallyobliterated. The so-called
"lost" Gooker 2001 winner, and one of the very few inductions
that actually made RD angry! Tons more on this one in the upcoming
Death of WCW book.
Irwin
R. Schyster (IRS): Controversial induction as Mike Rotundo was awesome
in his role as an evil tax accountant.
Still, that I just typed the words "evil tax accountant"
should give you an idea of why this is here.
Jameson:
Nerds are funny, especially ones who ejaculate into couch pillows. Ewww...
Jean
Pierre Lafitte: Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me. Quebecer Carl Oulette isn't a mountie, but rather an evil swashbuckler
intent on stealing Bret Hart's bounty. Arrr, matey!
Dusty
Rhodes, the WWF Years: An NWA legend becomes Vince McMahon's human
joke butt. Gotta love those polka dots!
Dog
Poo Match: The object of this encounter was to throw your opponent
in a big pile of dog feces. WrestleCrap, quite literally!
Jimmy
Jack Funk: The long lost Funk brother who wore a Lone Ranger mask
and rang a cowbell. No wonder
Terry left the company so damn quick.
Justin
Hawk Bradshaw: Yet another stupid cowboy gimmick, this time with
the APA's Bradshaw wearing the chaps.
The
Jynx Brothers: You may not know this, but before they became famous,
Matt and Jeff Hardy were jobbers dressed like Japanese puppets.
Yep.
Katie
Vick: Just what pro wrestling needed: NECROPHILIA! Winner of the 2002 Gooker Award.
The
Kings of the WWF: From Harley Race to Mabel, the WWF crown was basically
a makeshift title that meant nothing, and was feuded over by those
without anything better to do.
Knuckleball
Schawarz: Evil baseball player who longtime fans will recognize
as Steve Lombardi, the Brooklyn Brawler.
Kwang
the Ninja: Vile ninja...direct from Puerto Rico?
Lex
Express: How do you get your
new number one babyface over? You
stick him on a bus and send him all over the country!
Lo
Down: Beaver Cleavage and D-Lo Brown put on turbans and are led
to the ring by the human heat vacuum, Tiger Ali Singh.
Not that this was racist at all.
The
Lost Hillbilly Jim Tape: Footage of our favorite Mudlickian wrestling
his coon dog as granny drinks moonshine in the background.
The
Machines: Andre the Giant puts on a hood and becomes the Giant Machine,
and no one can figure out who he is.
And um...yeah.
Mae
Young: Role model to horny seniors the world over, Mae strips naked
and gives birth to a hand. As
hilarious as it sounds (which is to say not at all).
Mantaur:
Half man, half bull - all crap.
Matilda:
Let's see...we have two of the greatest technical wrestlers on the
planet. How can we ruin them? I know - let's give them a dog to
walk to the ring, and then have the dog stolen!
Max
Moon: Spaceman from the outer reaches of Uranus, complete with jetpack
accessory.
Charlie
Minn: Stereotypical asian announcer from the mid 90's WWF. Hmmm...perhaps he should sue Funaki for stealing
his gimmick.
The
Model: Rick Martel not only carried around a giant atomizer, but
he also wore fancy clothes and a large button that read, "I
AM A MODEL" just in case someone didn't pick up on the subtlety
of his gimmick.
good
bad story.
Men
on a Mission: Rappin' fool trio that made life a living hell for
anyone who had ears within a ten mile radius of WWF events.
Mr.
Run In: Following a parasailing accident that left his face in pieces,
Ed Leslie returned to jump heels from behind for about two weeks. Also known as Mariner and Hair Face, despite
the fact that he had nothing resembling a pelt anywhere near his
noggin.
Muffy:
Nipple H's personal trainer, who was shown the door after someone
figured out that if Nips needed a personal trainer, that meant at
some point she was, you know, FAT. You can't write comedy like that.
Nailz:
Convict who was allegedly beat in prison by Big Bossman, and who
also allegedly pummeled Vince McMahon behind the scenes.
Naked
Mideon: Just what the world was waiting for: a nude male wrestler!
"The Natural" Butch Reed: Black man who dyed his hair blonde. Get it? He's NOT really Natural at all! Oh, the IRONY!
Needles
the Tailor: A whiny little man teaches us the fine art of tailory
as he jabs guys with a needle. There's a joke to be made there,
but the Wellness Policy forbids us from making it.
New
Midnight Express: Jim Cornette's flagship team is pissed upon by
a bitter Vince Russo in an angle that no one save Russo, Cornette,
and their immediate families would understand.
New
Rockers: Marty Janetty gets a new partner in the form of teen idol
Leif Cassidy. Poor Al Snow just never catches a break.
The
Oddities: Sideshow freaks lead to the ring by the Insane Clown Posse. Giant Silva actually became only the world's
second worst wrestler, thanks largely to John Tenta's best efforts.
Oktoberfest:
Seasonal shenanigans as the Bushwackers cut the cheese (literally)
with Gene Okerlund and Lanny Poffo is introduced as the world's
foremost expert on stuffing sausage.
Outback
Jack: Friendly Aussie that hung out with aboriginies and drank beer
with cows. Hyped for nearly
six months before finally making his first WWF appearance; disappeared
approximately 1.3 seconds later.
Papa
Shango: Voodoo master who hexed Gene Okerlund and caused Ultimate
Warrior to vomit on WWF TV.
Phantasio:
Magician wrestler whose finisher was to remove his opponent's underwear. Seriously.
Piledriver:
The Wrestling Album 2: Sometimes love feels like an ar-gew-ment,
it feels just like a piledriver.
If Koko B. Ware says it, it must be true.
The
Pillman-Austin Gun Angle: Steve Austin breaks into Brian Pillman's
house, causing the Loose Cannon to fire shots and announcer Kevin
Kelly to piss his pants.
Sparky
Plugg: Friendly Nascar driver Sparky Thurman Plugg (STP, how clever)
races his way into our hearts, but crashes into wall three on the
way there.
Quakeburgers!:
Nefarious Earthquake squashes Jake Roberts pet snake and makes a
sandwich of him as Lord Alfred Hayes throws up.
As fun as it sounds.
The
Real Double J: Jessee Jammes croons to the ring after Jeff Jarrett
is proved to be a phony the level of Milli Vanilli.
Real
Man's Man: Steven Regal is all man and nothing but man as he chops
wood and squeezes oranges to make juice.
"Rebel"
Dick Slater: Yee haw! We love that Rebel Redneck Song - Hit it,
Mr. Fuji!
Reo
Rogers: Bruce Prichard (Brother Love) doing a horrible Dusty Rhodes
rip off that lasted about three weeks.
MAN did Vince hate Dusty.
Repo
Man: Barry Darsow is back once again, this time as the Repo Man,
a thief in the night who made you pay, and pay dearly, for getting
in your car payment late.
Ringmaster:
Steve Austin's first WWF gimmick wasn't quite as successful as his
second...
Rhythm
& Blues: Greg Valentine attempts to duplicate Honky Tonk Mania
and falls short.
Rocco:
In the early 90's, the Legion of Doom was stuck in a rut. Thankfully, Vince had the cure: a wooden puppet
named Rocco!
Rockabilly:
Further proof that Billy Gunn has always sucked.
Rocky
Maivia, the Blue Chipper: "You can't smile enough!" is
what Duane Johnson was told as he entered the WWF as a babyface.
Signs reading "Die Rocky Die" seem to indicate
that this statement was false.
The
Red Rooster: Terry Taylor sees his career flushed down the drain
as he portrays a chicken, complete with spiky red hair and cock-a-doodle-doo
entrance theme.
Saba
Simba: A down on his luck Tony Atlas is given a job by the WWF in
which he portrays an African warrior, complete with spear. Fortunately, the watermelon was nixed at the last second.
Salvatore
Sincere: Yet another ethnic stereotype invades WWF rings, this time
as Sal Sincere teaches us all the true meaning of irony. See, kids, he's not really sincere at all!
Sammy:
Mark Henry attempts to satiate his unquenchable sexual desires with
Sammy, whom he finds has...wait for it...a PENIS!
Family fun for all!
Septic
Sludge: WWE toy accessory. Not
only is it slime, but it smells like stuff: burnt rubber, stale
water, and dead fish. I so
wish I was making this up.
William
Shatner, Pro Wrestler: Yes, believe it or not Captain Kirk actually
got in the ring and took on WWF stars like Jerry Lawler and Road
Dogg. Ah well, at least he didn't sing.
Sisters
of Love: Before they were the Headbangers, Mosh and Thrasher dressed
as nuns under the tutelage of Brother Love.
Luckily for the boys, this didn't last long. Unluckily, one would later become Beaver Cleavage.
Slammys
(1985): Hilarity abounds as Mean Gene breaks kayfabe and Vince tells
Gorilla that his fly is open.
Slammys
(1987): Hacksaw Duggan and King Harley Race fight for 27 straight
hours, while Vince McMahon sings and dances (!!) for your enjoyment!
Skinner:
The Alligator Man! Jerry Reed would be so proud.
The
Snake Pit: Yet another Piper's Pit copy, this time featuring Jake
Roberts.
The
Stalker: Barry Windham invades the WWF wearing camouflage. Not sure how that was supposed to help him blend
into a wrestling ring, but hey, if Li'l Blackjack thinks it will,
more power to him.
The
Sultan: Yet another failed persona for the man who would become
Rikishi. This time everyone's favorite fat Samoan wears a big Hershey's
Kiss on his head.
Sunny's
Sex Video: You'd think anything starring Tammy Sytch, who was smoking
hot back in her WWF days, couldn't be all bad.
But then her bedmate is revealed: Fondle Me Elmo!
T&A:
Test and Albert. How Trish Stratus survived this I will never, ever
know.
TL
Hopper: Evil wrestling plumber.
I'd write more, but just putting "evil wrestling plumber"
should be all the explanation you need.
TNT
Show: Tuesday Night Titans (TNT) was the WWF's answer to the Sonny
& Cher variety hour, as superstars danced, told jokes, and basically
made asses of themselves.
Todd
Pettengill & Stephanie Wiand: Worthless announcing duo who knew
nothing about wrestling but a whole hell of a lot about being annoying.
Tugboat:
Toot toot! That was either
supposed to be a boat whistle, or he has gas.
Undertaker
Resurrection: During a casket match at Royal Rumble 94, the evil
Yokozuna stuffs the Undertaker in a coffin with the help of 43 men. He would later be reborn, however, and float
up to heaven in a scene that everyone watching would like to forget.
Undertaker
vs. Underfaker: Stupid twin angle in which Ted DiBiase brought in
a phony Undertaker to combat the real one.
Fans reacted so violently that the program was scrapped after
one match.
The
Val Venis Castration: Evil Wally Yamaguchi decides to deal with
his wife's infidelity the old fashioned way: by chopping off the
weiner of her porn star boyfriend!
Warlord:
Musclebound oaf whose only redeeming quality was a metallic wand
he carried to the ring.
The
Ultimate Warrior-Jake Roberts Training Session: The Snake teaches
our hero how to be evil by burying him up to his ears in dirt.
The
World Bodybuilding Federation: Vince McMahon's first real attempt
to branch out beyond the wrestling ring ends miserably as wrestling
fans don't want to watch bodybuilders, even if they do act like
wrestlers.
Well
Dunn: Timothy Well and Steven Dunn are proof positive that bow ties
and thongs do not match.
Who:
The Vince McMahon Players try to revive a 40 year-old Abbot and
Costello bit by putting poor Jim Neidhart under a mask.
WrestleMania:
The Album: Musical mess that
features Bret Hart singing a love song while Randy Savage begins
his rapping career by reciting the order of the solar system.
WrestleMania:
The Video Game Video: More fun with Bret, who this time programs
videogames by driving a forklift while wearing a tie.
I'd try to explain, but I think I'd just wind up getting
dizzy and passing out.
WWF
Bleeps, Bloopers, and Bodyslams 94: Supposedly a tape featuring
all kinds of wacky, zany behind the scenes WWF hilarity, yet all
I can remember about it was a spread eagle shot of Hillbilly Jim.
Very disturbing.
Worst
WWF Games of All Time!: Special three part induction in which I
documented the worst WWF games ever made: WWF Betrayal, WWF Wrestlemania
on the NES, and WWE Crush Hour. Did I mentioned these all sucked?
Xanta
Klaus: Santa's evil twin brother who steals presents from good children
every December 25. Did I
mention he lived at the South Pole?
The WWF did.
The
XFL: Vince's much maligned football league was a good idea on paper,
but in practice turned out to be the biggest bust ever on network
TV.
Isaac
Yankem, DDS: Wrestling dentist with bad teeth. Need I say more?
Zeus:
Hogan's co-star in No Holds Barred, who thought the film was real
and was pissed that he lost in the climax of the movie. Don't ask me - someone thought this was a good idea.
WCW
Crap:
That
70's Guy: Bedecked in a leisure suit, gold chains, and feathered
back hair, Awesome looked as though he had just hopped off the dance
floor with Tony Manero.
American
Males: As if Marcus Bagwell and Scotty Riggs as Chippendales weren't
bad enough, they had the worst song in the history of man for their
entrance music.
Guardian
Angel: Big Bossman defects to WCW, but he can't use that name, since
the WWF holds the copyright. After
several "that's still too close" names, he joins the Guardian
Angels and is the upholder of truth and justice - for about a week.
Arachniman:
Brad Armstrong puts on his Spiderman underoos to become a crime
fighter from Web City.
David
Arquette, WCW Champion: Vince Russo's idea was to garner mainstream
pub by putting the company's top belt on the 1-800-Collect guy. It worked so well that WCW went out of business less than a year
later.
Asya:
Did the world really need a Chyna clone? WCW certainly thought so...
Backstage
Assault: Horrible WCW videogame that featured all the top stars
of the company and no ring whatsoever.
Beach
Blast 93: One of the unholy trinity of mini-movie driven PPVs in
1992-1993, this one featured Sid Vicious in flip flops, orphans
playing volleyball with Sting and Davey Boy Smith, and Cheatum the
one eyed evil midget blowing up a boat while wearing a shark fin.
Quite possibly RD's favorite induction of all time.
Big
Josh: A pre-Doink Matt Borne is a lumberjack escorted to the ring
by dancing bears.
Black
Blood: Masked jobber (Billy Jack Haynes) who came to the ring with
a hatchet. This lasted about
a month.
Black
Scorpion: Evil wrestling magician who tortured Sting with mystical
magic powers, like the ability to turn a man into a tiger. It was all worth it for his final appearance, however, when he landed
in a space ship. On a scale
of 1-10, with 10 being the ultimate in stupidity, this scores 178.
Booty
Man: Possibly Ed Leslie's most revolting gimmick, as he shook his
fanny at women who were paid to swoon.
Yikes.
Buzzkill:
Road Dogg's brother is told to "get a personality" and
start acting exactly like his more famous sibling.
Captain
Mike: Captain Mike Rotundo (or Rotunda, depending on the day) leaves
the Varsity Club but keeps his name, with explanation being that
he is no longer the captain of a wrestling team but rather the captain
of a boat. What?
Chamber
of Horror: Bizarre cage match in which the competitors tried to
electrocute their opponents in the CHAIR OF TORTURE.
Chucky:
The Child's Play puppet wins a debate with Rick Steiner. Is that so hard to believe?
David
Crockett: "Look at him, Tony!
Look at him! He's
a bald...headed...geek."
The
Desperados: Dutch Mantell, Black Bart, and Dead Eye Dick go looking
for Stan Hansen in a series of idiotic clips set in the Old West.
They never find Hansen - or a wrestling ring, for that matter.
The
Ding Dongs: Unable to convince booker Ole Anderson that wrestling
hunchbacks will get over, Jim Herd gets the go ahead to have a tag
team that rings a bell - for the entire length of their matches!
Doomsday
Cage Match: Triple Decker Cage handicap match with Hogan and Savage
versus eight men. And Ric
Flair still does the job.
The
Dynamic Dudes: Shane Douglas and Johnny Ace are cool surfer dudes
who everyone hates.
El
Gigante: Jorge Gonzalez proves he is quite possibly the worst grappler
of all time as Argentina's tin foil wearing pro wrestling representative.
Evad
Sullivan: I'm not sure which is dumber: the idea of a dyslexic wrestler
that insults everyone who has that affliction by being an idiot
or the thought that he wants to be Hulk Hogan.
Finger
Poke Title Change: Kevin Nash and Hulk Hogan swerve everyone by
swapping the WCW title in a bogus match that infuriated everyone
who saw it. One of the top five causes of WCW's downfall.
Gary
Spivey: Pro wrestling psychic who apparently garnered his super
powers by attaching a giant brillo pad to his head.
Find out more right here.
GI
Bro: Booker T was just hitting his stride in WCW when he reverted
to his first persona in the business, a lame ass military gimmick.
Graveyard
Match: The KISS Demon and Vampiro battle through the darkness of
a cemetery, hitting each other with tree branches and plaster tombstones.
Halloween
Havoc Hoax: Sid pins Sting for the WCW belt, only to discover that
Sting has put on 40 pounds and 4 inches and isn't really Sting after
all.
"Hole
in One" Barry Darsow: Evil golfer who was originally scheduled
to work under the name "Stewart Pain."
A double bogey for sure.
Glacier:
Perhaps the greatest build up WCW ever did, all for a character
that really, really sucked the meat missle. Maybe if he'd have come
out to the old "Freeze Mizer" song...
Jimmy
Graffiti: Formerly known as one half of the Heavenly Bodies, Jimmy
Del Ray entered WCW and began spray painting everything in site
Ð a year before the n.W.o. stole his gimmick!
Johnny
B. Badd: Marc Mero gets tuity fruity and emulates rock legend Little
Richard as close as humanly possible.
The
Juicer: Art Barr in his ghoulish recreation of Beetlejuice.
Junkyard
Invitational: Almost every participant of this 20 man hardcore match
was legitimately injured. The
saddest part? The match still sucked ass.
King
of the Road Match: A battle like no other Ð Blacktop Bully and Dustin
Rhodes duke it out in the back of a moving semi, as day turns to
night and night turns to day. Shockingly,
this was the first and last match of its type.
KISS
Demon: According to his biography, Kiss and Make Up, Gene Simmons
landed a fatty contract from WCW to create a wrestler based on the
band. Despite shelling out all that money, WCW never pushed the
guy. You know, WCW should have just put all the money
in a big metal barrel and burned it in the ring. Or better yet,
given it to me.
Jay
Leno, Pro Wrestler: Yes, THAT Jay Leno, who teamed with DDP to put
the hurting on Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff in one of the worst
matches of all time.
The
Leprechaun: Evil imp who was searching for a pot of gold at the
end of the WCW rainbow.
Loch
Ness: A member of the infamous Dungeon of Doom, the big man known
in the UK as Giant Haystacks was brought in long past the time he
even remembered what the term "mobile" meant.
Lost
in Cleveland: Cactus Jack loses his memory (or was that his dignity)
in this series of idiotic sketches.
Highlight is Jack, who thinks he's a sailor, making poor
Jenny's bike seaworthy so she can run her paper route.
The
Mark Madden-Gene Okerlund Feud: Just what the world was waiting
for Ð the return of Gene Okerlund to the ring.
And this time he's bringing Mark Madden with him.
Steve
McMichael: "This place is apropos, and that don't mean you're
digging around the dirt with farm implements, baby!"
Yeah, what he said.
The
Midnight Rider: Hmmm...fat, blonde hair, splotch. No, I have no idea who that could be.
Monster
Truck Sumo Match: Grueling Greco-Roman technical encounter featuring
colossal monster trucks battling atop Joe Louis Arena. End came when Hogan knocked his adversary, the Giant, off the roof.
Don't worry, he came back in time for the main event of the
evening.
Mr.
JL: Talented Jerry Lynn is thrown under a mask and given the clever
nickname of "Mr. JL" by the WCW braintrust.
The
New Breed: Time travelers from the year 2002, when Dusty Rhodes
it the president of the USA. Thank
God THAT didn't happen.
Norman
the Lunatic: Mike Shaw as an escapee from a mental institution. How sad is it when that's your BEST role?
Nuthouse
Ric Flair: Yes, someone had the bright idea to take WCW's top draw
and make him an patient at a mental institute. And get this - it
WASN'T Vince Russo!
nWo
Nitro: Ever wanted to see how the set of a wrestling show is built?
Then this is the show for you! Thrill to Buff Bagwell yelling at
the ring crew! Gasp as Scott Norton spends ten minutes trying to
knock over the WCW sign with a sledge hammer! And warm your heart
as Eric Bischoff sings CHRISTMAS CAROLS! It doesn't get much more
bizarre than this!
Oklahoma:
Upon entering WCW, Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara's first order of business
is not turning the promotion around but rather ridiculing their
former boss Jim Ross in an angle that maybe 5 people on the planet
got.
Oz:
Kevin Nash was the great and powerful wizard, who came to the ring
with the Tin Man, Cowardly Lion, and a trained monkey.
Yes, a trained monkey.
The
Patriots: Firebreaker Chip and Todd Champion as a worthless tag
team hailing from the greatest town ever: WCW SPECIAL FORCES.
PN
News: Rapping fatman who bebopped to the ring with no less stars
than Salt n' Pepa.
Ready
to Rumble: Just what the world was waiting for: a WCW movie starring
David Arquette as a septic truck driver.
Watch for Gene Okerlund hitting on Jimmy King, and a rare
cameo by Scott Farkus of A Christmas Story.
The
Renegade: Hulk Hogan's Ultimate Surprise winds up being the biggest
knock off this side of Mr. Pibb.
Robocop:
The Future of Law Enforcement clanks down to the ring to save Sting
from the clutches of the evil Four Horsemen.
Dennis
Rodman, Pro Wrestler: The Worm takes to the squared circle and the
results are exactly what you'd expect: disasterous.
Shark: Our old pal John Tenta did his best, but even
his threats of biting all the little Hulksters didn't save this
gimmick from a one-way ticket to Davy Jones' locker.
Shockmaster:
Speaking of Tenta, here's his buddy Typhoon (Tugboat), who burst
through a wall and into our hearts.
Bad luck or no, one of the worst entrances ever.
Skins
Match: No, not a golf tourney, but rather a toughman showdown between
Tank Abbott and former biker buddy Big Al.
Highlight of the match is Tank putting a knife to Tank's
throat and threatening to "f***ing kill" poor Al.
Slam
Jam: Taking a page out of the WWF's book, WCW releases a musical
CD that is chockfull of crap, including a song in which the words
"fun" and "Windham" are somehow rhymed.
Spin
the Wheel, Make the Deal: Jake Roberts takes on Sting in a seedy
bar with the seediest patron of all: Cheatum the evil one-eyed midget.
Part Two of the Unholy Trinity.
The
Artist Formerly Known as Prince Iaukea: Lame ass jobber Prince Iaukea
is reborn as the purple one himself...and still sucks.
Trucker
Norm: Mike Shaw in failed gimmick 413, this time portraying a fun
loving big rig driver.
Van
Hammer: Heavy metal superstar who couldn't play the guitar. Ummm...
Viagra
on a Pole Match: Booked by Vince Russo.
What, you're surprised?
Ultimate
Warrior, the WCW Years: In a quest to stop the ratings slide, Eric
Bischoff brings in the Warrior.
Unfortunately, Warrior apparently believes he is the second
coming of Batman, urging viewers to "tune in next week, same
Warrior time, same Warrior channel!"
WCW,
The Comic: Laughably bad Marvel Comic starring Sting, Johnny B.
Badd, and the other top stars of WCW in the early 90's.
WCW
Readers: Presumably, readers are books designed to encourage kids
to read. I'm thinking any child who had the misfortune of reading
these will probably make a vow of illiteracy.
White
Castle of Fear: Vader invites Stinger to come to a party at his
White Castle of Fear. Inexplicably, no tiny hamburgers are present. Part three of the WCW Unholy Trinity.
The
Yeti: Mummy who emerged from a block of ice to dry hump Hulk Hogan.
I don't think I need to say anything more than that, do I?
The
York Foundation: Computerized clique who wrestled according to a
computer program that calculated the weaknesses of their opponents. They never lost, except when they did, which
was all the time.
Zan
Panzer: Masked jobber who was apparently the master of the Pan Flute.
Zodiac:
Ed Leslie yet again, this time with his face painted to resemble
a yin-yang sign. Did he suck? Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Yes!
Miscellaneous
Crap:
AWA
Team Challenge Series: Eric Bischoff gets his start in the wrestling
business by booking the end of the AWA in a series of gimmick matches
that culminated with a Turkey on a Pole match.
AWA
WrestleRock Rumble: Larry Zbysko, Jerry Blackwell, and Verne and
Greg Gagne RAP in this promo
piece for a 1986 Metrodome show.
Well worth watching, just to see Ken Resnick attempt to dance.
Backyard
Dogs: HORRIBLE movie in which two dudes and some skank make big
bucks in the lucrative field of backyard wrestling.
Body
Slam: Goofy film starring Roddy Piper, Lou Albano, and CHARLES NELSON
REILY that also features midget legend Billy Barty repeatedly calling
Dirk Benedict a faggot.
Christmas
Creature: Glen Jacobs becomes an EVIL CHRISTMAS TREE. What more
needs be said?
Hell
Comes to Frogtown: Roddy Piper must impregnate women - or have his
nads blown to smithereens! How did the Academy overlook this one?
Heroes
of Wrestling: The idea of an old timers' night in pro wrestling
isn't that bad, but this PPV sure is.
Highlight of the show is Jake Roberts facing his personal
demons and using Damien as a surrogate penis. One of the five most requested inductions ever.
Hulk
Rules; The Hulkster's in the House, and invading your eardrums with
the force of a class A killstorm.
Highlights include every song mentioning Hogan by name (no
egotism here) and Jimmy Hart singing with a clothespin on his nose.
The
Jesse Ventura Story: D
The
Johnsons : Tag team dressed up as penises. NEXT!
Learning
the Ropes: Sitcom starring Lyle Alzado in which the Rock & Roll
Express taught us how to love again.
Three
Ninjas on Mega Mountain: Hulk Hogan stars as an aging Kung Fool
who teams up with three annoying kids to tackle the evil that is
my aunt, Loni Anderson.
Mr.
Nanny: Yet another Hulk Hogan disaster of a film, this time with
the Orange Goblin being tortured by nerdy children.
OJ
The Movie, Starring Wrestlers: Oddball article from an old Apter
mag in which the OJ Simpson trial is made into a movie starring,
among others, Ron Simmons as OJ and Brian Pillman as Kato Kaelin.
Pasta
Mania: Hulk Hogan restaurant that served such delicacies as Hulk-U's
and Hulkaroos.
Rambo
Greg Gagne: Just when you thought he couldn't get MORE boring, Greggles
goes through training camp with Sgt. Slaughter! One of RD's favorite
inductions.
Santa
with Muscles: Hulk Hogan gets amnesia and believes he's Jolly Ol'
St. Nick. At one time voted
the number one worst movie ever by the readers at the Internet Movie
Database, and I ain't about to argue.
Simpsons
Wrestling: I love wrestling. I love The Simpsons. And I hate this
piece of crap game so much that it makes me want to hate them both.
What does that say?
Thunder
in Paradise: Hogan once again hits TV screens, this time piloting
Knightboat, the crime solving boat.
Warrior,
The Comic: The Ultimate Warrior explains "destrucity"
through the magic of a comic book.
The
Young and The Wrestling: A PRO WRESTLING PORNO?!
The
Young and The Wrestling2: The Wildman is back in this smut sequel,
and he's ready to blow his opponents away. No wait, that was Penelope's
job.
Yukon
John Nord: Nord the Barbarian becomes an axe wielding Bible thumper.
Interviews:
John Tenta: The former Earthquake shows amazing wit and ability
to make fun of himself. This
interview led indirectly to him writing the foreword for the WrestleCrap
book.
Specials
and Non-Wrestling Entries:
Catalog
War, Volume 1: T-shirts, hats, and other items duke it out for the
WWF and WCW. This was so
popular that I expanded the idea into a weekly column, "Someone
Bought THIS!"
He-Man
- She-Ra Christmas Special: Just when you thought this He-Man holiday
special couldn't get worse, let's lay three words on ya: SKELETOR
FACE TURN!
