Jobber of the Week: Super Giant Ninja
Text By Blade Braxton

A while back on Raw, the Coach introduced the world to the "Five Star" Ninja. As silly as he was, this new ninja pales in comparison to the pure lunacy of this week's nominee. Sit back Grasshopper and prepare yourself for the tale of the world's first and best schizophraniac, Terry Bollea butt-loving, hairless abominible mummy/French beret wearing, Ralph Macchio wannabe...the Super Giant Ninja.

In October of 1995, when the Dungeon of Doom first unveiled that giant block of ice which would spring forth the giant Yeti (or as Tony Schiavone, who briefly morphed into Arthur Fonzerelli would call him, the Yet-ayyyy), you had to think a reasonable push was soon to follow. Sure, it didn't make sense that he was a Egyptian mummy who escaped from a icy tomb. And yeah, his dry-humping double team of Hulk Hogan with the Giant's help at Halloween Havoc 95 made him appear he graduated with honors from the Pat Patterson "School Of Go-behinds." But hey, how can you go wrong anybody who is 7'2", let alone one who is covered in a jumbo pack of used Charmin? After all the fun at his Havoc debut you had to wonder, what would the Yeti do for an encore?

On November 26,1995, the Yeti would have his chance to shine. He was set to co-headline the first ever World War 3 PPV. The tag-line for the event was 60 Men, 3 Rings, 3 Giants, for the WCW World Championship. Certainly, WCW Standards and Practices had to be worried, as now the Yeti would be turned loose with 59 over men. The event had the potential for more sodomy than the entire Sam Quentin prison accidently and similtaniously overloading on Viagra.

But as the wrestlers made their way down for the main event battle royal, there something was noticably wrong with our lovable Yeti. He was no longer a Yeti,not that he was really one to begin with. Super Machine be damned, he was now decked out in Power Ranger villain-style ninja gear.

HUH!?!

AND he had some sort of French beret on his head.

Double HUH!?!

Those at home trying to comprehend this bizarre transition gimmick change would be even more confused when the Yeti/Ninja would be eliminated in the first 15 seconds. The mystery of the ice block. The attemtped double penetration. The creation of a mummy and a ninja costume for a 7'2" man. All for a 15 second elimination. It just didn't make sense. But then again...three letters..WCW.

It was the last we would see of the Yeti...kind of. By Janurary of 96, two months had gone by and the world had forgotten all about the Yeti. But as the One Man Gang prepared to defend his US title on WCW Saturday Night, who should show up? The Yeti. Wrong, this was not the Yeti. Sure it was the same man and the same costume but the announcers made no reference to his bandaged past. The gimmick transformation was now complete. He was now 100% the Super Giant Ninja.

He came off as a total buffoon. With his token fake ponytail flopping in front of his face blocking his vision, he provided a few glimpses of THE worst attempt at karate ever before quickly being put away by the aging Gang. After the three count, it appeared that our Ninja went back to his frozen block of ice dojo to chill out for the rest of time. He was never seen again.

The man who played him, Ron Reis, never really got a break despite his impressive height. After being trained by Big John Studd, and being signed by WCW, you had to think that a giant like him could find a spot. After the Yeti/Ninja disaster he would unmask, being known as T-Rex and Big Ron Studd before joining Raven's Flock. Now known as Reese, he had a brief time time at the midcard level, most notable for losing to the much smaller Juventud Gurrera at the Great American Bash 1998. He was released shortly after. Ron then decided to follow his inner ninja and go on atour of Japan. Like his fellow Kung-feux idol Ralph Macchio, he is now listed on the side of milk cartons as well.