| There
are times when working on this site just isn't
fun. Times when, as I look at the calendar,
I realize that our new monthly deadline for
new inductions is fast approaching, and I
scramble to come up with ideas to present
to you, my fellow Crappers. Times when, following
a long day at my "real job", I'd
rather just collapse into my warm, comfy bed
than scour through old stupid wrestling tapes,
hoping to come up with something comical enough
to post.
And
then, there are times like this week, when
I unearthed a big ol' pile of WrestleCrap
I couldn't wait to write about. After all,
how often do wrestling and crap really collide
in a literal fashion?
Well,
kids, they do this week!
| |
It
wasn't all that long ago, but odds are,
you might have already forgotten about
it. The human mind tends to do that
to images that it finds especially bothersome,
you know, and trust me, this was MOST
especially bothersome.
The
setup was simple enough in a pro wrestling,
racist kind of way. The villianous Big
Show bumped into Eddy Guerrero backstage,
and informed Latino Heat that while
everyone else loved him, he didn't like
him one bit.
Let
me restate that - he didn't just not
like Eddy, oh no.
He
didn't like his KIND. |
So
it should come as no shock that when
a mild mannered BURRITO DELIVERY BOY
(named Jose (last name Ole, I bet))
came to the door looking for Eddy, Big
Show would give the poor guy a rough
time, going so far as to knock the sombrero
right off his head.
Hey,
I don't write this stuff - I just report
it.
Anyway,
it would appear that Jose was just trying
to deliver some food to Eddy.
And
that gave Big Show an idea.
An
awful idea.
The
Show got a wonderful, awful idea! |
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|
What
he would do is spit in a burrito, and
have poor Jose deliver it to Eddy. That's
right, he hocked a big old loogie right
in there.
Because
then, you see, EDDY WOULD EAT IT!
HE
WOULD EAT BIG SHOW'S BOOGERSPIT!
Har
har! |
And
then, just to be a true meanie, Big
Show would eat the rest of the burritos!
By
God, with this build up, we might
have the next Hogan-Andre on our hands!
Book the Silverdome now!
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Show
was in a delightful mood following
his dastardly doings. But then...
Then
he not feel so good!
Show
doubled over in the ring, and ran
for the shitter!
Cue
the laugh track!
|
Cut
to the CRAPPER CAM, as we see Big Show's
feet dangling beneath a stall.
You
know, there are things in my life I
never needed to see; Big Show's underwear
around his ankles would be amongst them.
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There
are also things I never needed to hear;
this
clip would be amongst them. 
Wow
- how smart is Eddy Guerrero? Not only
did he NOT eat the hocker burrito, not
only did he give Big Show the poops,
he also stole all the toilet paper!
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Think
all that is funny? Well then buckle
yourselves in, because this calvacade
of crap is just starting!
Next
up was a wacky skit in which Eddy came
down to the ring driving...get this...a
SEPTIC TRUCK!
Eddy,
crap hose in hand, approached his nemesis. |
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The
poor, poor Big Show was trapped in
the ring. Yes, he had NOWHERE TO GO.
He couldn't just, say, crawl out of
the ring and leave through the crowd,
oh no.
You
see, Show had a much better idea than
that. His brilliant plan was to walk
TOWARDS THE TRUCK and the hose that
Eddy was waving at him!
Screw
you, Lanny Poffo - the Big Show's
the REAL Genius around here!
|
Sure
enough, Eddy hosed down the Show with
EXCREMENT!
Oh,
the HILARITY! |
|
Yeah,
kids, sometimes I get worn out, tired, and
don't want to work on this site.
But
seeing Big Show sprayed with feces makes it
all worthwhile.
Big Show farts and poops and plops for your
amusement, as Eddy talks about how he STOLE
THE TOILET PAPER! |
