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WWF, Mid 80's
Note from Blade: Hillbilly Jim dry humps his dog on a urine stained mattress. RD and I almost came to fisticuffs deciding who would get to have this one on their list. Suffice to say, he didn't want to duke it out with the FYBA champion.
Vince McMahon loves hillbillies. Maybe it was his upbrining in the south. Maybe he has an affinity for Chess Pie. Maybe he digs hanging out at thte local Cracker Barrel. Whatever it is, there is a rarely a time in the WWF when fans are not innundated with hoedowns, critters, and talk of vittles.
During the big wrestling boom of the mid 80's, Vince & Co. introduced us to his latest Kentuckian, Hillbilly Jim. Jim came out of the audience to save Hulk Hogan from a beating, and in return, Hogan trained Jim to be a boney-fide pro rassler. In order to give us some background on the fan favorite from Mudlick, KY, the WWF filmed a vignette which was shown to fans nationwide on their syndicated TV shows.
This footage was then supposedly "lost" for several years, only to resurface on the WWF's Mega Matches video, dated 1992. Geez, you wouldn't think that Hillbilly Jim, who works for WWF video, had anything to do with it suddenly reappearing, do you?
Anyhoo, here we are with the hillbillies at their humble home...
And there's our man, out choppin' some wood for the far.
He invites us in to meet his granny, who just so happens to be watching WWF television at the time.
Apparently, the announcing team of Bruno Sammartino and Vince McMahon is too much to handle, and granny starts a-swiggin' from her moonshine jug.
If you've ever heard Bruno and Vince do play by play, you certainly can't blame her for that.
Jim tries to curb his granny's rampany alcoholism by croonin' to her. He sings her a love song
that will, in fact, cause you to weep.
No wonder Granny's a recurring guest at Mudlick AA meetings.
Cue a close up of the family dog, where the poor pooch seems to be crying for the Old Yeller treamtent.
After successfully sedating his granny, Jim takes us back to his room where he trained himself to be a grappler. He starts by taking off his shirt...
And then showing us how he got so big and strong, by bearhugging an old tire.
And here I thought he just used IcoPro. Little did I know that his muscles were courtesy of Michelin.
He then shows us his pride and joy, an old stained mattress where he'd practice his rasslin' moves.
We learn that he started doing terrible elbow drops and knee drops at a very young age.
He then whispers to us that he has a secret, and it concerns his dog.
I don't think I want to know this.
He claims that he used to WRESTLE his dog.
Take a look to your left. Does that look like wrestling to you? Does it sound like it?
Are you thinking that we just found out why the mattress is stained?
This all wraps up with granny chastising Jim for molesting his dog. They then invite us to stay for dinner.
Thanks, I'll pass.
Hillbilly Jim would go on to be a mainstay in the WWF, eventually bringing in an Uncle and several cousins. Later, he would work for the company in its home video department, popping on tapes from time to time.
He also made a brief return at WrestleMania X7's Gimmick Battle Royal, and looked to be in tremendous shape. In fact, it's sort of surprising that he hasn't been back in the ring, seeing as how Vince carts out Sgt. Slaughter at least once every six months. I, for one, would be all for it. Can you imagine the fun we could have with a Hillybilly-Eugene tag team?
On second thought, let's nix that idea.
I'd rather poor Eugene be spared the "bad touch" Hillbilly's old smellhound was subjected to.
